- McGarnagle: Now tell them what you saw Billy.
- Billy: But I'm so scared McGarnagle.
- McGarnagle: You've gotta do this one for me Billy, McGarnagle.
- Billy: Okay for you McGarnagle.
- Chief: [later] Well McGarnagle, Billy is dead! They slit his throat from ear to ear.
- McGarnagle: Hey I'm trying to eat lunch here!
- Chief Wiggum: Oh my god, somebody took a bite out of the giant rice krispy square. Oh, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.
- Principal Skinner: I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just remember, if I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you heard me. I think words I would never say.
- Homer: I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow-Meow...
- Homer: What does "sequestered mean"?
- Principal Skinner: If the jury is deadlocked, they're put up in a hotel so that they cant communicate with the outside world.
- Homer: What does "deadlocked" mean?
- Principal Skinner: It's when the jury cant agree on a verdict.
- Homer: And "if"?
- Principal Skinner: A conjunction meaning "in the event that" or "on condition of".
- Homer: So "if" we get "deadlocked", we'll be "sequestered" at the Springfield Palace Hotel. Where we'll get a free room, free food, free swimming pool, free HBO. Ooh. Free Willy.
- Principal Skinner: Justice is not a frivolous thing, Simpson. It has little, if anything, to do with a disobedient whale. Now let's vote.
- [Bart has just testified for Freddy Quimby and admitted to skipping school]
- Principal Skinner: I'm impressed with what you did in there, Bart. You testified for the Quimby boy even though it was putting your own head in a noose. Nevertheless, you did skip school.
- Bart: So, I guess the two things sorta cancel each other out, right?
- Principal Skinner: I'm a small man in some ways, Bart. A small, petty man. Three months detention.
- [Bart begins to walk away]
- Principal Skinner: Wait a minute, Bart.
- [Skinner thinks for a few moments]
- Principal Skinner: Make that... *four* months detention.
- Bart: Hey McBain! I'm a big fan but your last movie really sucked.
- Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: I know. There were script problems from day one.
- Chief Wiggum: Yeah I'll say. MAGIC TICKET MY ASS MCBAIN!
- Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Maria! My mighty heart is breaking. I'll be in the Humvee.
- Principal Skinner: Why, there are no children here at the 4-H Club either. Am I so out of touch? No. It's the children who are wrong.
- TV Announcer: Now on McGarnagle: McGarnagle is framed for a crime he didn't commit and only one witness can clear his name, a little sissy boy who's to scared to come forward.
- Escort: [Bart has just jumped into the back seat of Quimby's convertible to hide from Principal Skinner] Freddie, honey, I think something just fell into the back seat.
- Freddy Quimby: I'm not paying you to talk.
- Lionel Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to prove that not only is Freddie Quimby guilty, but that he is also innocent of not being guilty.
- Freddy Quimby: Say it Frenchy! Say "Chowder"!
- Waiter: Never!
- Freddy Quimby: OK! You asked for it! I'm gonna enjoy this!
- [Freddy crashes through the bushes in his car and skids to a halt near party guests playing football]
- Freddy Quimby: Gimme the ball!
- [the party guest gives the ball to Freddy, who throws it hard into the punch bowl]
- Freddy Quimby: The punch has been spiked! Ha! Ha!
- Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby: [impressed] That's my nephew, displaying the Quimby wit that's won the public heart.
- [Mayor Quimby raises his glass]
- Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby: Happy Birthday Freddy! And may all your disgraces be private.
- Bart: Mom. What if there's a really bad crummy guy who's going to jail but I know he's innocent?
- Marge Simpson: Well, Bart. Your Uncle Arthur used to have a saying: 'Shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out'. Unfortunately one day he put his theory into practice. It took 75 federal marshals to bring him down. Now let's never speak of him again.
- Homer: I'm only doing what I think is right. I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.