- Moe: [Bart sneaks into the "adult video" section, discovering it's really BBC mini-series/Merchant-Ivory films] Oh, yeah. "Brideshead"'s gonna get revisited tonight, baby!
- Bart Simpson: [to Marge] It's your fault for giving birth to my arch-enemy.
- Lisa Simpson: At least I was planned.
- Marge: Stop it! No one was planned.
- Bart Simpson: [after Bart changes channels at the very end of "Love Story"] Lisa made me! With a witch's spell.
- Lisa Simpson: It's called Wicca and it's empowering!
- Bart Simpson: Wicca's a Hollywood fad!
- Lisa Simpson: That's Kabbalah, jerk!
- Ali McGraw: [as the family watches "Love Story"] Love means never having to say you're sorry.
- Lisa Simpson: No, it doesn't! This movie is drivel! She's wooden and unpleasant, and no matter what he does, he's still Ryan O'Neal.
- Marge: Opinion noted. Now, if you don't mind, your father and I are trying to lose ourselves in this romantic fantasy.
- Homer: Yeah, we're trying to create a mood here, so shut the hell up!
- Marge: [to Homer] You know, if we were younger and crazier, we'd trade in these tickets and run off to Miami!
- Homer: Marge, let's do it.
- Marge: What about Uncle Tyrone?
- Homer: We got one weekend to ourselves and we gotta spend it watching some old geezer's odometer turn over? As the Bible says, "Screw that!"
- Lisa Simpson: [to Bart] Maybe we should give Mom and dad a break. You know, go spend the day in an amusement park so we're out of their hair.
- Bart Simpson: Yeah, I agree. I mean, you are pretty annoying.
- Lisa Simpson: I guess the hunt was more fun than the catch.
- Bart Simpson: Hey, I just zinged you.
- Lisa Simpson: I know. My new thing is to ignore you. When you grow up, I'll be outside.
- [leaves the room]
- Bart Simpson: [as he leaves the room too] I'm grown up! I'm grown up!
- Bart Simpson: Please don't make us go. If you make me get on that plane, I'll give myself diarrhea! I know how!
- Homer: Okay, don't go. Just stay here and rot with Grampa.
- Grampa: I'm only rotting on the right side.
- Homer: I'll right-side you!
- Marge: [while pulling clothes from their closet to pack in a suitcase] Stupid kids ruin everything!
- Homer: So um... . you're not in the mood anymore, are you?
- Marge: Homie, you know I'm usually good for a triple-x throw-down, but between those kids and going to Uncle Tyrone's, we can't be alone!
- Homer: We're alone now.
- Bart Simpson: [off-screen from in the next room] You're never alone in this crap-shack!
- Homer: [yelling while punching through the wall to strangle Bart] Why you little... .!