American Dad! (TV Series)

Roger 'n' Me (2006)

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien, Greg Corbin, Alan Greenspan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doctor Gupta : When you ran over your wife, twice, it caused her brain to detach from her central nervous system. She's what we in the medical profession call a "husk."

  Roger the Alien : I've heard of that.

  Doctor Gupta : We can reattach her brain, but it's an experimental procedure your insurance won't cover.

  Stan Smith : That's my wife. I don't care how much it is, I'll pay it.

  Doctor Gupta : It's $178,000.

  Stan Smith : What if l don't need her to talk?

• Roger the Alien : [to Francine]  Stan might be an insensitive feelings-hurter but he'd never cheat on you.

  Francine Smith : It's not Stan I'm worried about. It's the female "entertainment" I don't trust. Men throw a little cash at 'em, they'll do anything. Then sometimes, when you're on the floor with another girl, guys will throw money, then pick it up and throw the same singles out there again. Like I'm an idiot. Like I don't have peripheral vision?

• Roger the Alien : [to Stan]  You got a best buddy? Can I be your second best buddy?

  Stan Smith : Let's see. How do I hang an air freshener on this? You are a total waste of space. I often dream of killing you.

• Stan Smith : Party time! Enjoy your last look at my ass 'cause I'm gonna party it off.

• Roger the Alien : [to Stan]  Surprise!

  [scene cuts to Roger begging to Stan at gunpoint] 

  Roger the Alien : Look in your heart! I'm praying to you! Look in your heart! You can't do this, it's not right! It's a wrong situation! I couldn't help it, it's my nature. Somebody hands me an angle, I play it. I don't deserve to die for that! You think I do? This is not us! This is some hop dream. I'm praying to you! I can't die! I can't die out here in the woods!

  Stan Smith : What the hell are you talking about?

  Roger the Alien : It's from my favorite movie, "Miller's Crossing." Bravo, Joel and Ethan Coen. I mean, there are some proud parents, huh? Some nachas for the Coens?

• Roger the Alien : [to Stan]  Dressed already? Where you going?

  Stan Smith : I was... uh, gonna... gonna get some coffee.

  Roger the Alien : Ooh, sounds like heaven. I'm also a little "nibbly nib." You wanna grab some brunch?

  Stan Smith : Uh, w-we should... we should probably just head on home. Can I... uh, have my shirt back?

  Roger the Alien : Oh, boo. It's so comfy. Tell you what. Why don't I give it back to you after I wash it?

• Roger the Alien : [to Stan]  You know, I... I got to admit, I was nervous about going there last night, but you were right. We were totally ready. Kinda like how you were ready for sleepaway camp in 3rd grade even though you cried in the car all the way there.

  Stan Smith : How... how do you know that?

  Roger the Alien : Well, I know all your memories now. Just like you know all mine, right?

  Stan Smith : I don't know anything anymore.

  Roger the Alien : Huh. You didn't get any of my memories? That's weird. Must be an alien thing.

• Roger the Alien : Stan, how could you say nothing special happened?

  Stan Smith : Because I just want to forget about it, okay? I was drunk, and I made a mistake, and we're never gonna talk about it again.

  [Roger gasps] 

  Francine Smith : What are you boys whispering about?

  Stan Smith : Different types of sandwiches!

• Francine Smith : Roger, what's going on with Stan? He's been acting very nervous and secretive.

  Roger the Alien : You can add distant and hurtful to that list.

  Francine Smith : Something happened in Atlantic City, didn't it?

  Roger the Alien : No.

  Francine Smith : Roger, look at me. What happened in Atlantic City?

  Roger the Alien : Why don't you ask your husband?

  [breaks his coffee mug and hides under the blankets] 

  Roger the Alien : I'll thank you to leave now.

• Roger the Alien : [to Stan on the phone]  We need to talk about Atlantic City. Francine's asking questions and I don't know what to tell her.

  Stan Smith : Tell her nothing! Look, I have work to do.

  Roger the Alien : Don't hang up! I will not be ignored, Stan. I'll come down there. Oh, yeah, I'll come down there, and I will make such a scene!

• Roger the Alien : [to Stan]  You bastard! You pushed me into this! I told you it would ruin our friendship, but you said, "No, let's go. Do it to me." So I gave myself to you.

  Stan Smith : Why the hell can't you just let this go?

  Roger the Alien : Because you were my first!

  [cries] 

  Stan Smith : I had no idea.

  Roger the Alien : I wanted a buddy, but now I never want to see you again.

  [leaves Stan's car; Stan starts to drive away, but Roger comes back and opens the car door] 

  Roger the Alien : You were supposed to come after me!

  [grabs his arm] 

  Stan Smith : What? You crazy psycho bitch! Leave me alone!

• Peter Scolari : Terry, what is Greg's favorite appetizer?

  Terry : Oh, that's easy. It's potato skins.

  Greg : No. It's wasabi tuna in a raddicchio sauce.

  Terry : Even I think that's gay.