- Luanne Platter: Lucky! Where have you been? I was going to call the police, but I don't know your last name.
- Luanne Platter: I'll tell you who's not extremely satisfied, the Lord with Uncle Hank. And when he gets unsatisfied, he smites.
- Dale Gribble: Stroup is so desperate to keep members from jumpin' ship, she turned the last two pews into a smokin' section.
- Reverend Nealey: Hi-Def. We televise serviced on it. And then afterwards, we've been known to leave it on for the Cowboy game.