- Hilary Duff: [in a parody of Highlander] He's dead, as are the Olsen Twins. I even decapitated my sister Haylie, though she didn't have any powers, now it was really awkward to explain to Mom and Dad. Only you and I remain.
- Lindsay Lohan: You bitch!
- Hilary Duff: Watch it Lohan, we can't fight on holy ground.
- [They're currently at The Gap]
- Sean Connery: [During Lindsay's training exercises] You must harness your gifts for the gathering.
- Lindsay Lohan: What gathering? You're gathering.
- Hilary Duff: So now it ends. The power is mine, Lohan!
- Lindsay Lohan: Not if I can help it!
- [Lohan and Duff engage in a sword fight]
- Hilary Duff: Slut!
- Lindsay Lohan: Whore!
- Hilary Duff: White trash!
- Lindsay Lohan: Agent Cody Skanks!
- Hilary Duff: Aaron Carter loves *me*!
- Lindsay Lohan: Aaron said your toes were gross!
- Hilary Duff: Your album sucks!
- Lindsay Lohan: *MY* album sucks!
- Lindsay Lohan: When I grow up, I gonna get an Oscar.
- Sean Connery: If by Oscar, you mean get your head cut off, you're on your way if you don't train harder.
- Lindsay Lohan: Uh, that totally isn't what I meant, stupid! You smell like whiskey, and I wanna go shopping.
- Sean Connery: And they complained when I smack my wife.
- Sean Connery: Never lose your temper!
- Lindsay Lohan: Never lose my "tampon"?
- Sean Connery: Temper!
- Lindsay Lohan: Ugh, i hate your slurring, you drunk!
- Sean Connery: I'm not drunk! I'm Scottish!
- Lindsay Lohan: [sarcastic] Ooh, sure. And I was in the hospital for exhaustion.