The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013)

Steve Carell: Burt Wonderstone

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Burt Wonderstone : Are you a lesbian, Nicole?

  Jane : Is every woman who doesn't sleep with you a lesbian?

  Burt Wonderstone : Oh, no, I have slept with plenty of lesbians.

• Burt Wonderstone : What the hell is a webisode?

  Rick the Implausible : Are you being serious? What's a webisode? It's... it's a show that you do on the internet, just like being on TV or having a movie except you don't go... through... you know all the hassle of... people seeing it.

• Burt Wonderstone : [dismissive of Gray's "magic" act]  Let me tell you about Steve Gray. All that guy does is mumble and cut himself. Anybody can do that. My niece does that.

• Burt Wonderstone : Do you think this batch is ready?

  Anton Marvelton : I don't know. Check it.

  [Burt takes the lid off the pot and they immediately fall to the floor; after a few moments they stand up and approach the pot] 

  Burt Wonderstone : Do you think this batch is ready?

  Anton Marvelton : I don't know. Check it.

  [Burt takes the lid off the pot and they immediately fall to the floor again] 

• Burt Wonderstone : [Wonderstone confronts Gray in a bar]  Mr. Gray. What you do is not magic. It is monkey porn.

  Steve Gray : I understand. It's natural for a dying leaf to be frightened by the autumn wind.

• Burt Wonderstone : [landing on Anton after falling out of the Hot Box]  Ow, your face caught me right in the knee.

• Doug Munny : [asking Burt and Anton to update their act]  You've been doing the same shit since I hired you. You even come on stage to that same god damn song.

  Burt Wonderstone : It's called "Abracadabra", and it is considered a modern classic.

  Doug Munny : It's shit.

• Burt Wonderstone : Anton, what could possibly go wrong?

  Anton Marvelton : Somebody could die, we can go to prison.

  Burt Wonderstone : See? When you say it out loud, it doesn't sound so bad.

• Burt Wonderstone : [to a magician's assistant he has just fired]  Go get a job at Cirque de So-Lame.

• [after splitting with Anton, Burt tries to do their act by himself] 

  Doug Munny : That was shit! That was shit! That was shit!

  Burt Wonderstone : I thought it went pretty damn well.

  Doug Munny : It was a train wreck!

• Burt Wonderstone : [for a trick, Steve Gray put a puppy in Burt's pants]  He put a dog in my pants, Jane.

  Jane : I know.

  Burt Wonderstone : No one's ever done that to me before.

  Jane : I... hope not.

  Burt Wonderstone : He was teething!

• Burt Wonderstone : Now this is a classic.

  Steve Gray : Meaning: it's been done.

• Burt Wonderstone : Can I ask you something?

  Rance Holloway : If you feel you should.

• [shooting his cable series, Steve Gray has taunted an audience member into punching him in the face] 

  Anton Marvelton : Jesus. Was that guy a plant?

  Burt Wonderstone : That looked like a real punch.

• Burt Wonderstone : The life of a child magician.

  Jane : Yes. Try being a girl child magician. They called me Magic Bitch.