Family Guy (TV Series)

You May Now Kiss the... Uh... Guy Who Receives (2006)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Jasper, Bill Clinton, Carter Pewterschmidt, Popeye, Karl, Noah, Elizabeth Smart's Dad, Man in Film #1

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doctor : Sir I think you should know, these growths on your forearms... they're giant tumors.

  Popeye : Habubababa oh dear.

  Doctor : Yea I'm surprised you haven't realized this is not how a human being is supposed to look.

  Popeye : Habububah.

  Doctor : And the speech thing and what your doing with your eye

  [sigh] 

  Doctor : ... uh you had a stroke about seven years ago.

  Popeye : Haksinfbusddsububh.

  Doctor : That you've managed to be walking around all this time is nothing short of a miracle.

  Popeye : Habaubaskbuahsk.

  Doctor : I'd say about two months.

• Stewie Griffin : Hey, McButt the Crime Dog, I heard you and your little chew toy getting it on last night, keep it down.

  Jasper : Sorry, little man. Ricardo and I were playing Clue, and he got me in the bedroom with the lead pipe.

• Peter Griffin : I love having visitors. Except for that time Moby Dick came to stay with us.

  [Cut to the Griffin kitchen. Peter and Moby Dick are sitting across from each other] 

  Moby Dick : Do you have any Raisin Bran?

  Peter Griffin : Uh, no. Sorry, we don't.

  Moby Dick : Oh. Well, could you maybe get me some?

  Peter Griffin : Oh, geez, that's kind of a pain in the... You know, we have Total, and we have some raisins. You could mix them together, that would be kind of like...

  Moby Dick : Yeah, it would be like Raisin Bran, but it wouldn't really be Raisin Bran...

  Peter Griffin : ...Kinda splittin' hairs here...

  Moby Dick : ...Not really doing it for me.

  Peter Griffin : What time did you say your flight was again?

• Jasper : [exiting the terminal into the airport towards the Griffins, speaking effeminately]  Hey, cousin!

  Brian Griffin : [hugs Jasper]  Hey, Jasper!

  Jasper : [introducing his Filipino partner, Ricardo]  Everybody, this is Ricardo, from the Philippines and my kitchen floor.

  Lois Griffin : How was your flight?

  Jasper : [effeminate]  Oh, torture! 5 hours on my moneymaker, sitting across from a gaggle of sailors flying home on leave: here I am in a committed relationship and all I can think about is having a piece of navy cake!

  Jasper : [campily motions talking on a cellphone] 

  Jasper : Hello, who's that on the phone?-Temptation!... how does he always get my number?... I don't know. Anyway, I've got big news and I'll tell you over dinner: Greek, on me, but enough about last weekend-Oo-hoh, I'm terrible!

• Jasper : Lois, darling, those earrings are delicious: total kitsch, like an Andy Warhol wet-dream. I'm opening a museum and putting you in it, they're that fabulous!

  Stewie Griffin : You think it's clever talking like that, do you? You think it's funny: talking about earrings and using words like 'fabulous' and 'delicious' and 'wet'? Uch!-what's next: a workout followed by a romp around a crowded room whilst the music goes...

  [makes the sound of a heavy bass beat similar to dance music, whilst Jasper and Ricardo dance in the background: they look confused when Stewie stops the beat] 

  Stewie Griffin : ?

  Jasper : Oh, why d'you stop?

• Noah : Hey!

  Elephant : Yeah?

  Noah : [points to a penguin/elephant hybrid]  What the hell is this?

  Elephant : Oh, you didn't really give us any specific guidelines about mating.

  Noah : Did you name it?

  Elephant : What?

  Noah : Did you name it?

  Elephant : Uh, yeah. He's Paul.

  Noah : Yeah? Well, it's gonna be a lot harder for you now, because he's going the fuck overboard!

• Jasper : [entering terminal with Ricardo, calling to Brian effeminately]  Hey, cousin!

  Brian Griffin : [hugs Jasper]  Hey, Jasper!

  Jasper : [motions to Ricardo, his Filipino partner]  Everyone, this is Ricardo, from the Philippines and my kitchen floor.

  Lois Griffin : How was your flight?

  Jasper : [effeminate]  Oh, torture! 5 hours on my moneymaker sitting across from a gaggle of sailors flying home on leave: here I am in a committed relationship and all I can think about is having a piece of navy cake!

  [makes telephone gesture, speaks camply] 

  Jasper : Hello, whose that on the phone?-Temptation! How does he always get my number?... I don't know. Anyway, I've got big news and I'll tell you all at dinner. Greek, on me, but enough about last weekend:

  [laughs] 

  Jasper : Ooh hoh, I'm terrible!