- Coach John McGuirk: I can't read this. Paula, will you fill it out for me?
- Paula Small: You know, John, how... how long is this actually going to take? 'Cause I...
- Coach John McGuirk: I don't know, Paula. I'm not a surgeon.
- Paula Small: I got some stuff to do.
- Coach John McGuirk: Eh, I'm sorry.
- Paula Small: I'm just saying I wish you hadn't sprung this on me right after soccer practice.
- Coach John McGuirk: Well Paula, I wish you wouldn't complain to me before I get surgery. I'm the one going under the knife in about two minutes!
- Paula Small: [Paula grabs the clipboard] What should I put here for your social security number?
- Coach John McGuirk: I don't know, just make up a couple numbers.
- Paula Small: Closest family member in case of emergency.
- Coach John McGuirk: Uh... I know I have an uncle.
- Paula Small: Ah, perfect, I'll put uncle.
- Coach John McGuirk: Just put my uncle.
- Paula Small: I'll put that in quotes, actually.