It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

The Gang Goes Jihad (2006)

Charlie Day: Charlie Kelly

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Dennis mimics an Arab jihad video] 

  Charlie Kelly : Cut, cut, cut, cut. What the hell are you doing, dude?

  Dennis Reynolds : [uncovers face]  That's what those tapes sound like.

  Charlie Kelly : Why don't you read the script that I wrote.

  Dennis Reynolds : I'm not reading the script you wrote. It's in English, and it's riddled with spelling errors.

  Charlie Kelly : Well, you know what I'm trying to write, just say it.

  Dennis Reynolds : No, I'm just gonna mumble some guttural sounds. Let's do another one.

  Charlie Kelly : He's not gonna know what you're saying!

  Dennis Reynolds : Well, then we'll do subtitles or something!

  Charlie Kelly : How am I gonna do subtitles?

  Mac : I feel like I should have something in my hands.

  Dennis Reynolds : You don't need anything in your hands.

  Mac : Like a weapon. A machete or a machine gun or something.

  Dennis Reynolds : Okay, why don't you head down to the Wawa and pick up a machine gun!

  Charlie Kelly : Read the script.

  Dennis Reynolds : I'm not gonna read the script.

  Charlie Kelly : Read the- who's the director here?

  Dennis Reynolds : I don't care, I'm not reading the script!

  Charlie Kelly : Alright, fine. Action!

  Dennis Reynolds : Bro, can I get my towel over my face again?

  Charlie Kelly : Oh, yeah, put your towel on your face.

  Dennis Reynolds : Alright, here we go.

  Charlie Kelly : Action.

  [Dennis speaks mock arabic] 

  Mac : [interrupts]  I'm gonna get a weapon. I'm gonna get a weapon!

• Charlie Kelly : Ok, I'll tell you what. Let's throw a flaming bag of poop through their window.

  Mac : What? Why?

  Charlie Kelly : They stamp it out, get poop all over their shoes.

  Mac : What in the hell is that going to accomplish?

  Charlie Kelly : Poop on their shoes. Their shoes, dude.

  Mac : Are you retarded? Are you a retarded person?

  Charlie Kelly : Poop on the shoes, man!

• Mrs. Reynolds : Jesus Christ, Frank. This place is a shit hole! Is this how you've been living?

  Frank Reynolds : We make it work. What do you want?

  Mrs. Reynolds : I want to talk.

  Frank Reynolds : I tried to talk to you weeks ago. You went on vacation.

  Mrs. Reynolds : I was trying to scare some sense into you. You were talking about giving away all of our money.

  Frank Reynolds : My money. I made it, you spent it.

  Charlie Kelly : Burn. There you go, buddy.

  [Charlie and Frank hi-five] 

  Mrs. Reynolds : How can you say that to me? After everything I've done for you. While you were out making money, who do you think was at home cooking and cleaning and raising your children?

  Frank Reynolds : A series of Mexican women?

  Charlie Kelly : A series... unbelievable, dude. You're on fire.

  [they hi-five again] 

  Mrs. Reynolds : You can choose to live like an animal if you want to, but I refuse to be subjected to it. I want my shit back. You took my shit from our home and I want it back.

  Frank Reynolds : Well, I didn't take anything.

  Mrs. Reynolds : It's empty. Someone came in and took everything.

  Frank Reynolds : Maybe you should have somebody deported like you used to in the old days.

  Charlie Kelly : Beautiful.

  [Charlie hi-fives Frank and is then slapped in the face by Barbara] 

  Mrs. Reynolds : I can't even talk to you anymore. Standing up for yourself. Standing up for immigrants! I don't know what you're turning into Frank, but it's making me sick!