- Hayley Smith: Roger, your lecture today was just ideological nonsense.
- Roger the Alien: Oh, really? You've just earned yourself a week of detention!
- Hayley Smith: There's no detention in college.
- Roger the Alien: Oh, right. Well, then I'm taking 50 points from Gryffindor!
- Stanley Smith: [Talking to Roger] You're the Adam Sandler of this house and nobody wants punch drunk love, just give us waterboy
- Francine Smith: It's so cute that Steve has a little girlfriend.
- Stan Smith: Well don't tell Debbie about her because she'll eat her.
- Francine Smith: I'm *having* a *baby*.
- Stan Smith: No!
- [Francine pepper sprays in Stan's eyes]
- Stan Smith: My eyes!
- [Stan runs into the door]
- Stan Smith: My mouth!
- [Stan runs back into the side table]
- Stan Smith: My back!
- [Stan looks at a dead plant on the dresser]
- Stan Smith: My begonia!
- [Stan accidentally turns on the radio, My Sharona plays]
- Stan Smith: "My Sharona"!
- [Stan backs up into the television, accidentally turning on My Best Friend's Wedding]
- Stan Smith: My Best Friend's Wedding! Ah, my eyes again!