Psych (TV Series)
Weekend Warriors (2006)
James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer
Quotes
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Receptionist : Mr. Guster? I know you said you didn't want to be interrupted, but there's a Lieutenant Crunch here to see you.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Crunch?
[Shawn enters, dressed in a Civil War uniform]
Shawn Spencer : Actually, I've been promoted. It's Captain Crunch.
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Shawn Spencer : George, I heard you got married, but... wow, huh?
George Cheslow : Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "What's wrong with this picture?" But, you know, where is it written that the ugly guy never gets the girl?
Shawn Spencer : [hesitates] Everywhere, man.
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Shawn Spencer : What the hell is a "Mascomb"?
Gus : It was a very common name of the era.
[Shawn stares at Gus]
Gus : History Channel.
Shawn Spencer : ESPN, Gus. Channel 206. I'm begging you.
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Carlton Lassiter : And don't think I didn't see you trying to throw M&M's into the injured soldiers' mouths.
Shawn Spencer : First off, those were Skittles and they have a rainbow of flavors.
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Henry Spencer : The truth, Shawn. You're not really my son, are you? Because I gave you a watch with the inscription "Don't Lose", and what is the first thing that you do?
Shawn Spencer : I lose the watch.
Henry Spencer : You lose the watch.
Shawn Spencer : Well, here's a newsflash, Dad. My birthday wasn't yesterday, okay? It was four months ago.
Henry Spencer : Yeah, well, here's a newsflash for you, kid. After you were born, it took you four months to smile at me. That's when the clock started ticking.
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Shawn Spencer : Oh, ye immoral man of low fiber! You should really eat more bran.
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Carlton Lassiter : For your edification, the reenactment of the ba...
Shawn Spencer : Edification?
Carlton Lassiter : Yeah, edification.
Shawn Spencer : Is that legal? Like, in public? Public edification's legal?
Carlton Lassiter : It means "for your information."
Shawn Spencer : Well, why didn't you just say that?
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Juliet O'Hara : What the hell are you guys doing?
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Sally was the target. Shawn's going to put on that dress and wait for someone to shoot him.
Shawn Spencer : Right, but... the plan sounds a lot better when you DON'T say it like that.
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Karen Vick : Shawn, unless you can give us a name, I'm afraid he's right this time.
Shawn Spencer : Fine, I'll get you a name.
[to Lassiter]
Shawn Spencer : And I'm going to get you a woman.
[leaves]
Carlton Lassiter : *Afraid* he's right? *This* time?
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Griffin Mahoney : [holding a gun on Shawn and Gus] Hello, boys. Back off, this is loaded.
[they back out of the vault and in front of a group of the reinactors who all cock their rifles]
Shawn Spencer : Yes, but mine are so much bigger.
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Carlton Lassiter : This case is personal. One of my soldiers was killed on my watch and I, not you, am going to clean it up. We clear?
Shawn Spencer : I wouldn't have gone with something as traditional as "We clear?" You could have gone foreign: "Comprende?" "Capisce?" Could have had a little fun with it: "You dig my gist, Sweetpants?" These are just suggestions.
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Carlton Lassiter : If I'm wrong, I'll hold a press conference where you are both cordially invited to say, "I told you so."
Shawn Spencer : Okay.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Sounds fair.
Shawn Spencer : Can I wear your face wig?
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : [looks at battlefield reconstruction on the air hockey table] What is this?
Shawn Spencer : The battlefield.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Based on what?
Shawn Spencer : The briefing board at the police station.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : You did this from memory?
Shawn Spencer : Yes.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : You said you saw it for two minutes.
Shawn Spencer : Right. Two whole minutes.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : You got problems.
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Karen Vick : [after Shawn reveals details about Poe's wound] How do you know that?
Shawn Spencer : Lassie, you wanna take this one?
Carlton Lassiter : [annoyed] He had an "episode" in the hall.
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Shawn Spencer : Either that man is a phenomenal actor... or he's dead!
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Shawn Spencer : Now, I ask you. Who goes out onto the battlefield without their boots?
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Maybe someone has bunions.
Shawn Spencer : Bunions, Gus? Really, that's what you bring to the table? I'm trying to solve a murder here.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : I deal with bunions at work every day, Shawn. They hurt people!
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Shawn Spencer : [to Gus in his over done Civil War costume] Dude, you look awesome!
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Shawn Spencer : I'm thinking of insuring my legs, sort of like Mary Hart. What do you think, three, five million a haunch? Keep in mind my calves are like carved marble.