- Red Green: [after hearing an answering machine message that Hap claims came from Gwyneth Paltrow during a supposed romance with her, but which is obviously just Hap's own voice very poorly disguised in a higher-pitched nasally tone to imitate a love-struck lady's voice] She sounds like somebody else, Hap.
- Gordon Pinsent as Hap Shaughnessy: [innocently and casually] Well, of COURSE she does, Red - - she's a GREAT ACTRESS! They're EXPERT at disguising their voices.
- Red Green: [in a lackluster tone of unimpressed derision] You might wanna think about BEING AN ACTOR YOURSELF, Hap.
- Gordon Pinsent as Hap Shaughnessy: [feigning amused modesty] I know, but I could never go into that line of work, Red. To be an actor, you have to PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT.
- Red Green: [valiantly trying not to snicker, since he knows that this is precisely what the self-aggrandizing Hap does all the time] Uh-huh.
- Gordon Pinsent as Hap Shaughnessy: Yeah, they're PROFESSIONAL LIARS, Red! What kinda man would I be if I got PAID TO LIE?
- Red Green: A BILLionaire!