- Stewie Griffin: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
- Lois Griffin: WHAT!
- Stewie Griffin: Hi.
- [Runs off giggling]
- Lois Griffin: Peter, my God, you look terrible. What happened?
- Peter Griffin: [Slowly] I was raped.
- Lois Griffin: [Chuckles] What?
- Peter Griffin: Doctor Hartman violated me. He took my innocence.
- Lois Griffin: [Chuckles harder] W-What?
- [Peter whispers in her ear]
- Lois Griffin: Peter, that's a prostate exam. It's an important part of a physical for men your age.
- Peter Griffin: You sound just like him!
- [Runs off, sobbing]
- Lois Griffin: Fuckin' idiot.
- Peter Griffin: And to think I actually thought you raped me.
- Doctor Hartman: Well, I was going to, but you ran out of the room!
- Peter Griffin: What!
- Doctor Hartman: [points at Peter and smiles] Ehhhhh!
- Peter Griffin: [points at Hartman] Ehhhhh!
- [Audience applauds]
- Peter Griffin: What the hell was that?
- Dr. Hartman: Mr. Griffin, that was a prostate exam.
- Peter Griffin: Shut up! You had your finger in my ass!
- Brian Griffin: Stewie loves Lois!
- Stewie Griffin: Brian loves Olympia Dukakis!
- Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, I do.
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, it is so hard to find funny women, and you are hilarious. Oh, you're like a female Bonnie Hunt!
- Joe Swanson: [at The Drunken Clam] Peter, what's the matter with you today? You're not yourself.
- Peter Griffin: Guys, I went to Dr. Hartman yesterday and... he did things to my fanny!
- Cleveland Brown: Peter, it's okay.
- Peter Griffin: It's not okay! You don't know what it's like!
- Cleveland Brown: You're wrong. I, too, have felt the cold finger of injustice on my insidey parts!
- Peter Griffin: He... he did it to you, too?
- Glenn Quagmire: I have something to say. Dr. Hartman violated me as well. I only went in there for a physical/guinea pig removal, but I turned out to be the guinea pig, for his sexual experimentation!
- Joe Swanson: You guys are a bunch of queers.
- [wheels off-screen, then returns, crying]
- Joe Swanson: And so am I! Oh God, it was horrible! I scrubbed and I scrubbed, but damn it, they don't make water hot enough!
- Peter Griffin: My God, we've all been victims of Dr. Hartman's "prostate exam." Well, gentleman, the abuse stops here. I will not turn a brown eye to this. I am gonna sue that bastard and make him pay out the ass. No ifs, ands or buts. I'm gonna be real anal about this.
- [pause]
- Peter Griffin: Sphincter.
- Lois Griffin: Oh my God! What's happening to me? I'm like that Texas woman who gave her son brain damage by holding him under water.
- [gasps]
- Lois Griffin: I'm just like Barbara Bush!
- Stewie Griffin: Lois? Lois? Lois? Lois? Lois? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Momma? Momma? Momma? Ma? Ma? Ma? Ma? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy? Momma? Momma? Momma?
- Lois Griffin: WHAT?
- Stewie Griffin: Hi...
- [runs off giggling]
- Peter Griffin: [about to receive a prostate exam by Dr. Hartman] So, how's this work? You just feel my pulse or?
- [as soon as Dr. Hartan pokes his finger up Peter's anal, Peter freaks out]
- Rerun: Excuse me. Do you know how to get to town?
- Kermit the Frog: [sets down banjo, picks up shotgun] Yeah. it's back the way you came.
- [loads a round in the chamber]
- Joe Swanson: Peter, you're urinating unusually frequently.
- Glenn Quagmire: Yeah, what gives?
- Captain Seamus: If it's gale force peeing you be doin', it could mean you've got barnacles on your prostate. Best have sick bay check below your decks.
- Peter Griffin: Wait a minute. Are you telling me I need a prostate exam?
- Captain Seamus: Aye, and soon before your rudder jams with flotsam and you're droppin' anchor without an order from the captain.
- Stewie Griffin: Lois, answer me. Damn you, I will not be ignored! Get back in here! Get back in here and love me!
- Lawyer: Stewie, did Mr. Jackson behave inappropriately toward you?
- Stewie Griffin: Well, yes, but the worst part was, he never called back.