Psych (TV Series)

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece (2006)

James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer

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Quotes 

• Carlton Lassiter : If I find you anywhere near this case, I will throw every book I find at you.

  Shawn Spencer : What if you find the Bible? You gonna throw that too? Seems a little sacreligious to me, don't you think?

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : [Shawn has called Gus out of work by saying his "cat" is in the hospital]  So now I have a cat?

  Shawn Spencer : An orange tabby. Last Christmas you made her a tiny Santa hat - it was adorable.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Fantastic - I can't even have a make-believe boy cat.

  Shawn Spencer : Gus, a boy cat wouldn't serve my purposes nearly as well. The next time I need you, Pickles is having kittens.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Pickles?

  Shawn Spencer : Mrs. Pickles is her full name. Though I'm not actually sure cats can marry outside of Boston.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Yeah well, in a related issue, I'm blocking your number on all the phones in the office.

• Security Guard : Who called you? Mike?

  Shawn Spencer : Mike? Is this a big joke to you? I don't answer to Mike. Have you seen Mike lately? Mike can kiss my ass.

• Gus : I just got a lap dance from Patrick Swayze!

  Shawn Spencer : What, you mean like, an impersonator?

  Gus : No, I think it was *actually* Patrick Swayze!

• Shawn Spencer : [walking into hallway with Lassiter]  If this is some kind of hazing ritual where we're going to end up naked in a river somewhere, I'll need to arrange for a ride home.

• Shawn Spencer : [talking to Gus about Gus' imaginary cat]  I'm not sure cats can marry outside of Boston.

• Shawn Spencer : I made a list of suspects after attending Lassiter's briefing.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : He lets you into his briefing?

  Shawn Spencer : He does when you're in the air shaft.

• Shawn Spencer : Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! She's running? In those heels? Really?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : We have to chase her, too?

  Shawn Spencer : We have no evidence except for that ring!

• Shawn Spencer : No Lacey, because you... have magic hands. Which I was really looking forward to on Friday.

• Shawn Spencer : Here, let me read your palm.

  Juliet O'Hara : How about just one finger?

• Shawn Spencer : Let me gather some information, alright? Make a little headway? Then I'll have a psychic episode that blows the ears right off their skulls.

• Shawn Spencer : [after Gus catches Lacey's bouquet]  Dude, you're next!

• Shawn Spencer : Gus here is a safe expert. Yes, he subscribes to the safe cracker... safe cracking... comic book.

  Gus : It's an online magazine. And it's a trade publication.

• [Shawn is talking about a fake girl cat he made up as an excuse to get Gus out of the office] 

  Gus : Great. I can't even have an imaginary boy cat.

  Shawn Spencer : Gus, a boy cat wouldn't serve my needs nearly as well. Next time I need you, Pickles is having kittens.

  Gus : "Pickles?"

  Shawn Spencer : Mrs. Pickles is her full name. Though I'm not actually sure cats can marry outside of Boston.

• Shawn Spencer : [while in Lassiter's room]  Are you gonna have some cookies?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : NO!

  Shawn Spencer : Do you wanna finish my banana?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I wanna leave!

• Shawn Spencer : [to Lassiter]  If this is some sort of hazing ritual where we're going to end up naked in a river somewhere, I'll need to arrange for a ride home.

• Carlton Lassiter : Listen to me Spencer. The department's reputation is on the line with this one. If I catch you anywhere near this case I will throw every book I can find at you.

  Shawn Spencer : What if you find the Bible? You gonna throw that, too? Seems a little sacrilegious to me, don't you think?

• Shawn Spencer : [to Dillon]  Gus here has some questions for ya, you flaxen-haired Argonaut!