Psych (TV Series)
Woman Seeking Dead Husband: Smokers Okay, No Pets (2006)
James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer
Photos
Quotes
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Shawn Spencer : I think we can cut our losses and put these two behind bars, if we work together.
Juliet O'Hara : And how do we do that?
Shawn Spencer : First we dress up as musketeers and make a very special pact.
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Shawn Spencer : [during a fake seance] Eyes of a serpent, ears of a bat, send us a signal from...
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shawn!
Shawn Spencer : I hear a voooooice...
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Can I see you outside, please.
Shawn Spencer : It wants me to come outsiiiiiide...
Burton 'Gus' Guster : NOW!
Shawn Spencer : I should gooooo...
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Is that my bathrobe?
[they move to the other room and Gus closes the blinds]
Burton 'Gus' Guster : What are you doing?
Shawn Spencer : What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a seance.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : You can't have a seance.
Shawn Spencer : Gus there are no rules against having a seance. Anyone can have one. It's like a garage sale or plastic surgery.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Okay, first of all, technically you need a permit to have a garage sale. Secondly, *you* cannot speak to the dead!
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : What the hell are you doing?
Shawn Spencer : Checking baseball scores. My fantasy team is killing me.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : This is the chief's office.
Shawn Spencer : No, she runs the league. I'm kidding. She's in a meeting. She won't mind. Plus we look really important hanging out in here. Gus, have you tried this chair? It's a pregnancy chair. We have got to get one for the office. My birthing canal never felt so alive.
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Gus : She's a charming woman.
Shawn Spencer : A charming woman? Are you Jane Austen now?
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : You're taking my name off the lease and the door and these Frisbees.
Shawn Spencer : Gus, don't be ridiculous. Look, I'm almost positive this isn't a load bearing wall. But if you're really concerned, why don't you jump up and down in the attic to make sure?
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Shawn Spencer : [after describing his plan to Gus] ... and Bingo!
Gus : Don't say bingo, you know how much I hate it when you say that.
Shawn Spencer : Ok, fine... Yahtzee?
Gus : We are not doing this, Shawn.
Shawn Spencer : Mah-Jong!
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : This is breaking and entering!
Shawn Spencer : [trying to pick a lock] No, no, no - only if we break something, and THEN enter something.
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Gus : This is not a good time to bluff!
Shawn Spencer : I think it's a great time, she was going to kill us.
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Juliet O'Hara : [asking who authorized a stake-out] What about the 42.211?
Carlton Lassiter : What about it?
Juliet O'Hara : Well it states that...
Carlton Lassiter : It's superseded by a 15.75.
Juliet O'Hara : Not necessarily.
Carlton Lassiter : If you're in the juristdiction of 23.40 it is.
Juliet O'Hara : Maybe...
Carlton Lassiter : Maybe?
Shawn Spencer : [pops up in back seat] Technically, 23.40 only applies in federal cases.
Carlton Lassiter : What are you doing here?
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Shawn Spencer : What, today's gun day?
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Shawn Spencer : Gus, I'm not a mind-reader.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : No, that's just what you tell everybody.
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[pretending to feel a spirit in the records room so he can look at a case file]
Shawn Spencer : Yes, I can feel her all right. She's over by the W's.
Desk Sergeant : Why?
Shawn Spencer : No. W.
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : [of David] He *does* have nice hair.
Shawn Spencer : Yeah, that takes a lot of up keep though, man.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Yeah.
Shawn Spencer : You gotta worry about split ends...
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Dandruff.
Shawn Spencer : Dandruff!
Burton 'Gus' Guster : It's horrible.
Shawn Spencer : It's awful.
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Shawn Spencer : [of Chief Vick's pregnancy chair] I want you to try this chair.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : I'm not trying the chair, Shawn.
Shawn Spencer : I'll sit on the birthing ball. I kid you not, this thing is like a refreshing waterfall cascading down your vertebrae. It might help your stomach issues.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Who told you I had stomach issues?
Shawn Spencer : Uh, my nose. The vent in the bathroom. Air fresheners all over the place.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : I'm trying a new medication for my lactose intollerance.
Shawn Spencer : I believe the problem is physical. And I think it can be cured by what I am now referring to as "The Magic Springy Bounce-Up Chair."
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : [after a large window shatters] Did you do that?
Shawn Spencer : Why would I ruin our totally cool window?
Burton 'Gus' Guster : For effect! To make them think you contacted an evil spirit.
Shawn Spencer : Gus, please! Why didn't you float that idea sooner? That's genius!
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[Gus walks in on Shawn holding a "seance"]
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shawn?
Shawn Spencer : [eerie voice] I hear a voice...
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Can I see you outside, please?
Shawn Spencer : [eerie voice] It wants me to come outside.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Now?
Shawn Spencer : [eerie voice] I should go.
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Gus : Somebody's here.
Shawn Spencer : Oh, you can see through doors now? That's the new thing?
Gus : I can smell the laundry vent.
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Shawn Spencer : Now the guy with the gun is flipping me the bird.
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : How much farther to this place?
Shawn Spencer : Fifty, sixty miles.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Sixty miles? And you didn't get me a donut?
Shawn Spencer : I did get you a donut. And then I ate it.
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Raylene Wilcroft : You have five seconds. One.
Shawn Spencer : Really?
Raylene Wilcroft : Two.
Shawn Spencer : The countdown?
Raylene Wilcroft : THREE!
Shawn Spencer : Okay!
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Shawn Spencer : Ladies, stay here. We're going after them... or *it*.
[wispering to Gus]
Shawn Spencer : Let's get some tacos.