- Old Man Jenkins: Hey, you!
- SpongeBob: Top o' the morning, oldster!
- Old Man Jenkins: Hey! I saw you on TV last night.
- [Cuts to Old Man Jenkins watching a Bran Flakes commercial]
- Commercial Announcer: New Bran Flakes! Bold new taste! Bran Flakes!
- [Cuts from the Bran Flakes box back to SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: You did?
- Old Man Jenkins: Yeah, you were on a commercial.
- SpongeBob: You're right! Wow, he recognized me.
- Old Man Jenkins: [while Spongebob walks away] Yep. See you later, Bran Flakes! What a nice cereal box.
- Squidward: SpongeBob, the remote's broken. Get over here and fix it.
- [SpongeBob hurls the cardboard television into the air, jumps onto Squidward and pokes him on the nose emphatically]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [irritably] I have a better idea: why don't I get someone whose *job* it is to fix it? See, 'cause when I need a *job* done, I get somebody with a *job* to do that *job*!
- [Squidward narrows his eyes]
- Squidward: [suspiciously] What are you saying?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Aaaaah!
- [SpongeBob screams loudly and furiously and pushes Squidward's bed to the Krusty Krab]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, you're making a big mistake!
- Squidward: Mistake? Ha! The only mistake I ever made was wasting my life at the Krusty Krab!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: But a visit to the Krusty Krab makes everyone happy! And what could be better than serving up smiles?
- [gives a really big smile]
- Squidward: Being dead, or anything else!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I never knew you felt so strongly about this.
- Squidward: Where have you been?
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Donate money to the children's fund? Why? What have the children ever done for me?
- Squidward: I can be anything I set my mind to. I can be a football player, or a king, or a spaceman.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Or a football-playing king in space, with a moustache.
- Squidward: Yeah. Uh-huh. You know, that reminds me. There's something I've always wanted to tell you since the first day I met you: Goodbye.
- Squidward: Are you accussing me of something?
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: One, you stole it; two, you stole it; or three, you stole it!
- [SpongeBob falls down the stairs into the living room]
- Gary: [apathetically] Meow...
- SpongeBob: [gasps in anger] Gary! Squidward is not a freeloader, and he would never take advantage of me!
- Narrator: Three weeks later...
- SpongeBob: [exhausted] He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back.
- [falls down]
- Narrator: Many months later...
- SpongeBob: [totally exhausted] I'm sure he's close to a breakthrough.
- [falls down again]
- New Narrator: So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.
- [SpongeBob crawls into the living room now exhausted than ever]
- Gary: [reproachfully] Meow, meow, meow!
- SpongeBob: [furious] I know he's still isn't looking for work! Don't rub it in!
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Where's Spongebob?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [Under the ground] Down here, sir.
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: What are you doing down there, boy?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward said I can help by burying myself.
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Well, get out of there. I need you to help with the commercial.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Me, in the Krusty Krab commercial, me!
- SpongeBob: Listen, you crustaceous cheapskate! Squidward's been living at my house, driving me crazy! And you're not gonna hire him back all because of a STUPID DIME?
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Squidward, what in Neptune's name is going on here?
- Squidward: We're making a commercial.
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: What you're doing is wasting all my money. I told you to rent out only what's absolutely necessary.
- Squidward: This is all absolutely necessary.
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Then what's all this useless junk?
- Squidward: That's the useless junk for scene, uh, 28.
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Then how do you explain that? A second Krusty Krab.
- Squidward: Everyone needs an understudy.
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [Looking at his look-alike] Well, you got me there. But what about him?
- [Points to a clown]
- Squidward: This job can get very stressful, Mr. Krabs.
- [SpongeBob has discovered that Squidward is homeless]
- Squidward: Don't you get it? I'm a loser! I lost my job, my home, everything!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Even your paintings?
- Squidward: Nobody would take them. So I had to eat them.
- [Squidward's stomach is shown in the shape of a picture frame, and then Squidward openly sobs]
- Mr. Krabs: Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: one, you put the dime in me pants; two, you put the dime in me pants; or three, YOU PUT THE DIME IN ME PANTS!
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [examining the dime carefully] Wrong!
- [throws the dime back at SpongeBob]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: That ain't my first dime.
- SpongeBob: [enraged he squeezes the glass of lemonade very hard it shatters] Two Things that WON'T, WORK!
- SpongeBob: [now angered] Fine I'll just take it out!
- [tries grabbing the lemon wedge out of the beverage]
- Squidward: [angrily swats the bowl away sending it flying] Condensed Soup from a can? DISGUSTING! All right now that you ruined my appetite go fetch me something to read!
- SpongeBob: You know when you swatted that newspaper out of my hands it kind of reminded me of what a friend of mine did. At his JOB!
- [the alarm clock sounds sending him flying]
- Squidward: Are you blind? Just look at it!
- [an up close look of the lemonade with ice in it and a lemon wedge in it]
- SpongeBob: [now getting ready to explode but still remaining calm] Hmm That's two things in this house that WONT WORK!
- Squidward: [gasps in disgust and swats the newspaper away] GET THAT AWAY FROM ME! YOU KNOW IM ALLERGIC TO NEWSPRINT!
- Squidward: [clapping his hands] Four O' Clock time for my stories. Hurry up they won't hold the show while you laze around!
- [SpongeBob rolls in a fake cardboard TV in front of Squidward and hands him a remote control Squiward takes it and hits a button turning the fake TV on]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [putting on a puppet show with two puppets while talking in a falsetto voice] Hey where are you going? To my job. You have a job? Why wouldn't I? I'm not some sort of lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day. Say where can I get one of these jobs?
- [Squidward keeps watching but he's furious]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh they're everywhere especially if you're green and have six tentacles. Thanks I'm going to go look for one so I can stop
- [gets furious]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: MOOCHING OFF MY FRIENDS! And they can get back to their lives!