- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Howard Blandy? The Howard Blandy? The Howard Blandy who masterminded the sale of every small family-owned business in Bikini Bottom? That Howard Blandy? I worship you!
- Carl: Mr. Blandy, code red. Free thinker.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Time to go to work, Squidward. Another day, another dollar.
- Squidward Tentacles: More like another nickel.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [Cracks up laughing] Good one, Squidward!
- [Laughs all the way to work]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Another day, another nickel.
- [Laughs]
- Squidward Tentacles: It's not that funny!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: It's funny 'cause it's true.
- Sandy Cheeks: It's easy if you approach it scientifically. Now, what is laughter?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: The thing that used to give my life meaning and purpose, but now mocks me with its cruel indifference.
- Sandy Cheeks: But technically, it's caused by your epiglottis obstructing your larynx, causing irregular air intake and respiratory upset.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Sounds painful.
- Sandy Cheeks: Science makes anything sound painful, SpongeBob.
- Howard Blandy: Mr. Krabs, is there a problem here?
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: You better believe there's a problem! I used to kiss the ground you walked on, Blandy, but after seeing this, I wouldn't even *spit* in your direction!