- Bill Larsen: Hey. You know, Valentine's Day's coming up.
- Joel: [voice over] He remembered... Romance isn't dead!
- Pat Brody: Actually, Joel is asking Holly Kent to go to the dance with him!
- Isabelle Meyers: Joel...
- Joel Larsen: "Joel..." what?
- Isabelle Meyers: You want the truth?
- Joel Larsen: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
- [Pat and Isabelle looks freaked]
- Joel Larsen: God, I hate it when my best roles haven't even happened yet.
- Joel Larsen: It's all about the timing. Everyone knows you don't ask a girl out when her friends are around.
- [Todd comes in]
- Isabelle Meyers: [aggressively] What do you want?
- Todd York: Do you wanna go to the Valentine's dance with me?
- Isabelle Meyers: Okay.
- [Joel looks beaten]
- Joel Larsen: Dad, Mom is not gonna let you play poker on Valentine's Day.
- Bill Larsen: She's not?
- Joel Larsen: No, she's not!
- Karen Larsen: That's right! I already sent a card, telling me how much I love myself.
- Joel Larsen: God, I only have five minutes left!
- Pat Brody: Joel, my boy, you do this now, or you regret it for the next twenty years!
- Joel Larsen: You're right. After all, you only live twice.
- Holly Kent: Hey, Gary. Who are you here with?
- Gary Ross: I'm here by myself.
- [looks at Joel]
- Gary Ross: For now.
- Joel Larsen: Oh, I'm flattered, Gary, but I already have a date.
- Isabelle Meyers: Todd, would you get me some punch?
- Todd York: What? You argued with me all afternoon about the ERA. So, to stay true to your stands, YOU get ME some punch.
- Isabelle Meyers: Fine, and I hope you drown in it.
- Joel Larsen: [about dating Holly] Everyone's watching us. I feel like Hugh Grant in Notting Hill, taking Julia Roberts to the Oscars.
- Joel: [voice over, after being dumped by Holly] Well, I still feel like Hugh Grant. Only, after he got caught with a hooker.
- Joel Larsen: For 20 years, I dreamed of this night, ending it with Holly and me holding hands, walking out in the moonlight, and a soft kiss good night.
- Pat Brody: Well, I'll take the walk. I'll... I'll even hold your hand. But I don't kiss on the first date.
- [last lines]
- Isabelle Meyers: Where have you two been? I want a picture with my boys.
- [going arm in arm with them]
- Joel Larsen: I forgot to mention, you look amazing tonight.
- Isabelle Meyers: Well, thank you, Joel Larsen.
- [they walk up to the scene where the photos are taken]
- Pat Brody: NO! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
- [removes the tux and takes the photo in his Steve Wagner outfit]