Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (TV Series)

He's Not the Messiah, He's a DJ (2005)

H. Jon Benjamin: Satan, Special Father #1

Quotes 

• Satan : We have found it. This is the prophecy. When we translate this text, we will know the identity of the anti-christ. It says... that a woman wil agree to bear the child of Satan in exchange for... a Datsun 280ZX.

• Satan : Look, I paid for your stupid art school, didn't I? And I got you a dog! A hypoallergenic dog, mind you, cause you're allergic...

  Lucy : Excuse me, did you just say "stupid" art school? Dad?

  Satan : No! Art is not stupid... Lucy.

• Lucy's Mom : Hooves! Hooves! Hooves!

  Satan : Sorry, sorry.

  Lucy's Mom : I know it's not on purpose...

  Satan : I know! I know! Noted. Noted.

  Lucy's Mom : If it's not the hooves, it's the horns.

  Satan : What? You wanna stop?

  Lucy's Mom : No, no, no. Let's keep going. Keep going. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just...

  Satan : Well, now I don't...

  Lucy's Mom : What? Do I need to...

  Satan : No. I'll- no.

  Lucy's Mom : Oh, I really...

  Satan : I'll just get some water...

  Lucy's Mom : I'm glad you're here!

  Satan : I'll be right back.

• Satan : Well, Lucy was actually at that club...

  Becky : At Armageddon?

  Satan : Yeah, flirting with the DJ.

  Becky : Your daughter?

  Satan : Uh-huh.

  Becky : The anti-christ?

  Satan : That's correct.

  Becky : Was at Armageddon, flirting with someone who may possibly be the second coming?

  Satan : Sounds crappy when you say it.

• Special Father #1 : Do you think that on a Coast Guard cutter, in the middle of the ocean, they made instant cocoa and put shaved cinnamon on it?

  Special Father #2 : It's possible!

  Special Father #1 : It is not possible.

• Becky : Here- here's what we have... His name might be Jesus and he's very possibly a DJ who works nightclubs, weddings, bar mitzvahs, proms, that kind of thing. Somewhere in California...

  Satan : Well, you should run the computer model again because...

  Becky : I agree!

  Satan : That's unlikely that it's another Jesus. That's impossible.

• Lucy : Dad, I gotta go. I'm going out. We'll talk another time.

  Satan : Oh, oh, oh, oh. Wait, wait.

  Lucy : Have another drink.

  Satan : I have a favor to ask you.

  Lucy : What's the favor?

  Satan : I mean, a present... to give you. I have a present to give you.

  Lucy : What is it?

  Satan : I want you to go out on a date with a friend of mine, who is a U.S. Senator. Right? He's rich and...

  Lucy : Ew.

  Satan : He's good looking. Sort of.

• Lucy : I've actually met a nice guy and I'm with him right now. Which is why I can't talk, so please let me go, okay? Goodbye!

  Satan : Well, I'll tell you something, Lucy. I don't think this "nice guy" is going to be a part of your life for much longer.

  Lucy : What does that...

  Satan : Hmm?

  Lucy : I said, what does that mean?

  Satan : Nothing...

  Lucy : Dad!

  Satan : Ha ha...

  Lucy : YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE!

  Satan : MWAHAHAHA. Sorry.

• Becky : I'm just saying, I'll feel a lot better when you know for sure that the Special Fathers are dead.

  Satan : Okay, Grandma! I'll let you know when they float to the surface!