How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Ted Mosby, Architect (2006)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Quotes 

• Barney : Dude, lots of chicks think architects are hot. Think about it, you create something out of nothing. You're like God. There's nobody hotter than God.

  Ted : I love it when you quote Scripture.

• Barney : [Anna is reading Barney's letter]  Dear Resident,

  Barney : The time we spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to see you again, but unfortunately I cannot. You see, I... am a ghost. I can only materialize once every decade, on the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one day among the living with you, sweet Resident. Perhaps we will meet again in another decade, provided you keep your figure. Until then, all my love from the beyond. Barney

  Anna : [Barney said his name was Ted Mosby]  Barney? Who the hell is Barney?

• Barney : I'm telling you, you should use the architect angle with the ladies...

  Ted : First of all, I have a girlfriend. Second, the architect angle doesn't even work on her. And third, I can't imagine that working on anyone, ever.

  Barney : That's 'cause you're always like,

  [in a mopey, loser-ish voice] 

  Barney : 'Ted Mosby, architect'.

  [shrugs shoulders, makes dweeby face] 

  Barney : If it were me, I'd be like,

  [speaking in a confident, assertive voice] 

  Barney : Ted Mosby, architect.

  [points and pulls trigger on finger gun] 

  Barney : Anything sounds impressive when it's said with the right attitude.

  Marshall : [clears throat, confidently]  Marshall Erikson, recently dumped and heading to a lame party.

  [looks away to imaginary hot girls] 

  Marshall : Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies, please, take it easy. There's enough of me for everyone.

  [puts arms around two imaginary hot girls] 

  Marshall : Hi. Hello.

  [to Ted and Barney] 

  Marshall : All right. We're gonna take off.

  Barney : Wait up. I'll leave with you guys. Ted Mosby, architect. Trust me.

• Marshall : Well, all skyscrapers kinda look like a...

  Ted : Marshall, it's a seventy-eight story pink marble tower with a rounded top and two spherical entryways at the front.

  Marshall : Wow, so it's the whole package.

  Barney : Yeah, you did.

  [fist-bumps Marshall] 

  Marshall : Had to.

  Barney : Oh, dude, if they're selling condos you gotta get me in. And don't give me the shaft.

  Marshall : Yeah, you did.

  Barney : Had to.

  [they fist-bump again] 

  Ted : It's a travesty! It's gonna define the skyline of the city. If it was me, I could have designed something amazing. Instead, I'm spending twelve hours a day designing the cornices.

  Marshall : Yeah, you did.

  [holds out his fist for a bump] 

  Ted : That wasn't one.

• Barney : [In the apartment of the girl barney just hooked up with]  Come on, let's go before she gets out of the shower.

  Robin Scherbatsky : You're such a pig. You're not even going to say good-bye?

  Barney : I'll have you know I composed a lovely form letter for use in just such an occasion. Just fill out her name and then...

  [Thinks, trying to remember the girls name] 

  Barney : Something with a "A." A... A... I'll just put "resident."

  [Hears the shower shut off] 

  Barney : Go, go, go, go!