Family Guy (TV Series)

Prick Up Your Ears (2006)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Kool-Aid Guy, Doctor in Porn Movie #1, Protestor, Teen in Crowd, Pablo Picasso, Golf Cart Driver #1, Harry Houdini, Tooth Fairy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : I'm abstinent, Lois. It's all in these pamphlets Meg brought home from school. Sex turns straight people gay and turns gays into Mexicans. Everyone goes down a notch.

• Peter Griffin : I'll be more convincing than Mel Gibson when he apologized to the Jews.

  [cut to Mel Gibson giving a speech] 

  Mel Gibson : I'm really, really sorry about your big noses. I'm really sorry about how greedy you are. But most of all I'm really sorry about you dirty, underhanded, backstabbing ways. Your number one dirty Jew fan, Mel Gibson.

• Lois Griffin : Meg Griffin, we need to have a talk.

  [gasps] 

  Meg Griffin : Mom!

  [hides under the covers with Doug] 

  Lois Griffin : OH MY GOD! You kids were doing it... in the EAR!

  Brian Griffin : Hey, my sandwich tastes funny. Is there something wrong with the Smuckers?

  Peter Griffin : [from his room]  Yeah, it's been on my crotch.

• Lois Griffin : Look Meg, A, Ear sex is just unnatural, and B, how do I say this, vaginal intercourse is... it... its just tops! It's the bee's knees, Meg. Oh, when your rattle it around just right, oh my god! I mean, you remember when we had that old car with the bad shocks, and I used to take the old dirt road on purpose! Meg! Meg?

  [Lois looks up to find Meg had left and Brian is standing outside the door] 

  Brian Griffin : I love you!

• Tom Tucker : In local news, a sexy new trend has emerged at James Woods High.

  Diane Simmons : That's right Tom, It appears that students have taken to having ear sex in lieu of traditional intercourse.

  Tom Tucker : Over two hundred reports of ear sex have been confirmed so far, prompting a new slogan, "Once you go black, you go deaf".

• Peter Griffin : [after sex]  Ah, that was great. Where'd you get that tattoo on your lower back?

  Lois Griffin : I don't know, Peter. Meth is a hell of a drug.

  Peter Griffin : What?

• Peter Griffin : Lois, the Hamburglar steals hamburgers, Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.

• Jillian : [vomits] 

  Stewie Griffin : Good Lord, Brian, what was that?

  Brian Griffin : Oh, that was just Jillian. She's got this eating disorder, she's bulimic.

  Stewie Griffin : Woah, really?

  Brian Griffin : Yeah, her hair's falling out, and yesterday she just lost a tooth.

  Stewie Griffin : Really?

  Brian Griffin : Yeah, but that purging just makes her look fabulous.

  Brian Griffin : I mean, that's what the supermodels do, and let me tell you, some of them just look so good.

  Jillian : [vomits again, but this time more violently] 

  Brian Griffin : Karen Carpenter overdid it, but I think Jillian's found a good balance.

• Peter Griffin : Lois, the Hamburglar steals burgers. Grimace is just Ronald McDonald's retarded friend.