Aqua Teen Hunger Force (TV Series)
Dickesode (2006)
Dave Willis: Meatwad, Carl Brutananadilewski
Quotes
-
Commercial Voiceover : [a Wong Burger commercial is being shown on Master Shake's television] Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it and win!
[rips off the bottom of the cup and soda pours out]
Commercial Voiceover : Prizes include a new car, or a discount on teriyaki fries! At Wong Burger, when it's right, it's Wong!
[spoken quickly as a crawl runs quickly on the screen]
Commercial Voiceover : Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.
Carl : Right there! Right there, did you hear that?
Meatwad : Oh yeah, about them teriyaki fries?
Carl : No no no no no, the last part, the low fast part! Rewind, go back!
Meatwad : We ain't got no Tivo, see.
Master Shake : That was live, Carl.
Meatwad : But we can still go back, through the power of imagination!
Master Shake : I like the way you're thinking. Go get your puppets!
Meatwad : Okay.
[leaves the room]
Master Shake : This is gold!
[Meatwad takes a few minutes to get his puppets, and Carl, Master Shake, and Frylock exchange glances while music from the TV plays until Meatwad returns with a pair of crude puppets made from a sock and an oven mitt]
Master Shake : Alright, let's go. Roll it.
Meatwad : [with the puppets] Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it and win! Prizes include a new car, or a discount on teriyaki fries! At Wong Burger, when it's right, it's Wong!
[pauses, than says quickly]
Meatwad : Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.
Carl : Friggin knew he said that! I KNEW he said that!
Meatwad : What, about the teriyaki fries?
-
Meatwad : [In front of a closet that has a sign that says "WARNING! DO NOT ENTER!] Carl, in here, no one won't ever think to look in here.
[Opens the door to reveal a pink intestinal-like surface with a gaping black hole]
Meatwad : No one won't ever want to get near here.
Carl : You, uh, you sure about this?
Meatwad : Aww, just do it.
[Master Shake pushes Carl in and closes the door. A second later, the door opens up again, and Carl comes flying out of the closet screaming]
Meatwad : Whoops, my bad.
Frylock : [angrily closing the door] I told y'all: this closet is not to be opened, it is a horrible horrible place in there!
Meatwad : Well there's a knob there.
Frylock : Why do you think I put the sign there? You think I was being cute?
Meatwad : I don't know.
-
Meatwad : Hey y'all, look at this! Just rip it and win!
[rips the bottom off his cup, spilling soda everywhere]
Frylock : Oh what'd you win Meatwad?
Meatwad : [holding the bottom of his cup excitedly] 20 cents off my next Wasabi fries, all right! You see, they fill the fries with wasabi sauce through hot tubs of meat...
Frylock : [impatiently] I know Meatwad, I know! I saw the ad too.
Meatwad : Yeah, and they're good too!
Frylock : Yeah, I'm sure they're not.
Meatwad : [to Mastershake] Do yours, rip it and win!
Master Shake : [knocks over his 85-gallon cup of soda, which sends Meatwad flying out of the shot. He then rips off the bottom of his cup] 20 cents off the next order of wasabi fries!
Meatwad : You see, they fill the french fry up with wasabi sauce, and...
Master Shake : Yeah, we know ok? We know!
Meatwad : See what you win Carl!
Carl : [rips off the bottom of his cup and reads slowly] Uh... tonight you will get your dick ripped off.
[pauses]
Carl : That doesn't sound right does it?
-
Frylock : [wearing a surgical mask] You can get up now Carl, I think we're done.
Carl : [moaning] Oh man...
Frylock : Feel alright?
Carl : Where'd you get these painkillers from? They're awesome!
Frylock : Yeah maybe you should... just like... use pills forever.
Carl : [the camera zooms up Carl's body, revealing him to be looking in a mirror while dressed in women's clothing, wearing nails and a wig, and with a scar near his forehead while sexy music plays] Yeah you're right. This was a very bad idea.
Master Shake : Hey Carlina, wow!
Carl : Oh yeah, I get it. Yeah, you put me under, dressed me as a woman, took pictures of me. Laugh's on me, huh?
Frylock : Well no Carl, see heh, you're not just dressed like a woman.
Carl : Oh do go on, please!
Frylock : Well, it's pretty simple really. I removed your dick so no one will have no need to remove it!
Carl : So the blood stain
[on his crotch]
Carl : is just... what is that me having my period I guess? Heh heh heh...
Frylock : Well it could be, or it could just be the spot where I snipped your dick off...
Meatwad : You're taking pretty good Carl. Kudos.
Carl : Seem like this whole thing kinda defeats the purpose, ya know?
Frylock : Yep, and what I just did was a very bad idea.
Carl : Ya think maybe I could have my dick back? Oh wait, you know what? Maybe you should keep my dick, so you could uh... hump yourself!
[storms off]
Master Shake : Technically that would not be doing yourself, just for the record.
-
Meatwad : [In front of a closet that has a sign that says "WARNING! DO NOT ENTER!] Carl, in here, no one won't ever think to look in here.
[Opens the door to reveal a pink intestinal-like surface with a gaping black hole]
Meatwad : No one won't ever want to get near here.
Carl : You, uh, you sure about this?
Meatwad : Aww, just do it.
[Master Shake pushes Carl in and closes the door. A second later, the door opens up again, and Carl comes flying out of the closet screaming]
Meatwad : Whoops, my bad.
Frylock : [angrily closing the door] I told y'all: this closet is not to be opened, it is a horrible horrible place in there!
Meatwad : Well, there's a knob there.
Frylock : Why do you think I put the sign there? You think I was being cute?
Meatwad : I don't know.
-
Frylock : Hang on hang on hang on. I have a better plan. Meatwad, you've got a big dick right?
Meatwad : Oh yeah, huge. But I need it...
[smiles devilishly]
Meatwad : ... for tonight!
Frylock : But it's detachable, and that helps us!
Master Shake : [angrily] No! No way I am having a dick made of hamburger!
Frylock : I'm not giving it to you!
Master Shake : Good! Cuz I don't need it! Cuz I'm HUGE... between the legs!
Meatwad : Who wants to see my dick?
[sounds of meat being pressed together are heard, while Frylock, Master Shake, and Carl bug their eyes out]
Meatwad : See, Dick Nixon!
[Meatwad has transformed into a statue of Abraham Lincoln holding a sword]
Meatwad : Ol' Tricky Dick!
