Aqua Teen Hunger Force (TV Series)

Dickesode (2006)

Dana Snyder: Master Shake

Quotes 

• Master Shake : Ding dong, the dick is dead, Carl!

• Commercial Voiceover : [a Wong Burger commercial is being shown on Master Shake's television]  Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it and win!

  [rips off the bottom of the cup and soda pours out] 

  Commercial Voiceover : Prizes include a new car, or a discount on teriyaki fries! At Wong Burger, when it's right, it's Wong!

  [spoken quickly as a crawl runs quickly on the screen] 

  Commercial Voiceover : Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.

  Carl : Right there! Right there, did you hear that?

  Meatwad : Oh yeah, about them teriyaki fries?

  Carl : No no no no no, the last part, the low fast part! Rewind, go back!

  Meatwad : We ain't got no Tivo, see.

  Master Shake : That was live, Carl.

  Meatwad : But we can still go back, through the power of imagination!

  Master Shake : I like the way you're thinking. Go get your puppets!

  Meatwad : Okay.

  [leaves the room] 

  Master Shake : This is gold!

  [Meatwad takes a few minutes to get his puppets, and Carl, Master Shake, and Frylock exchange glances while music from the TV plays until Meatwad returns with a pair of crude puppets made from a sock and an oven mitt] 

  Master Shake : Alright, let's go. Roll it.

  Meatwad : [with the puppets]  Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it and win! Prizes include a new car, or a discount on teriyaki fries! At Wong Burger, when it's right, it's Wong!

  [pauses, than says quickly] 

  Meatwad : Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.

  Carl : Friggin knew he said that! I KNEW he said that!

  Meatwad : What, about the teriyaki fries?

• Meatwad : Hey y'all, look at this! Just rip it and win!

  [rips the bottom off his cup, spilling soda everywhere] 

  Frylock : Oh what'd you win Meatwad?

  Meatwad : [holding the bottom of his cup excitedly]  20 cents off my next Wasabi fries, all right! You see, they fill the fries with wasabi sauce through hot tubs of meat...

  Frylock : [impatiently]  I know Meatwad, I know! I saw the ad too.

  Meatwad : Yeah, and they're good too!

  Frylock : Yeah, I'm sure they're not.

  Meatwad : [to Mastershake]  Do yours, rip it and win!

  Master Shake : [knocks over his 85-gallon cup of soda, which sends Meatwad flying out of the shot. He then rips off the bottom of his cup]  20 cents off the next order of wasabi fries!

  Meatwad : You see, they fill the french fry up with wasabi sauce, and...

  Master Shake : Yeah, we know ok? We know!

  Meatwad : See what you win Carl!

  Carl : [rips off the bottom of his cup and reads slowly]  Uh... tonight you will get your dick ripped off.

  [pauses] 

  Carl : That doesn't sound right does it?

• Frylock : [wearing a surgical mask]  You can get up now Carl, I think we're done.

  Carl : [moaning]  Oh man...

  Frylock : Feel alright?

  Carl : Where'd you get these painkillers from? They're awesome!

  Frylock : Yeah maybe you should... just like... use pills forever.

  Carl : [the camera zooms up Carl's body, revealing him to be looking in a mirror while dressed in women's clothing, wearing nails and a wig, and with a scar near his forehead while sexy music plays]  Yeah you're right. This was a very bad idea.

  Master Shake : Hey Carlina, wow!

  Carl : Oh yeah, I get it. Yeah, you put me under, dressed me as a woman, took pictures of me. Laugh's on me, huh?

  Frylock : Well no Carl, see heh, you're not just dressed like a woman.

  Carl : Oh do go on, please!

  Frylock : Well, it's pretty simple really. I removed your dick so no one will have no need to remove it!

  Carl : So the blood stain

  [on his crotch] 

  Carl : is just... what is that me having my period I guess? Heh heh heh...

  Frylock : Well it could be, or it could just be the spot where I snipped your dick off...

  Meatwad : You're taking pretty good Carl. Kudos.

  Carl : Seem like this whole thing kinda defeats the purpose, ya know?

  Frylock : Yep, and what I just did was a very bad idea.

  Carl : Ya think maybe I could have my dick back? Oh wait, you know what? Maybe you should keep my dick, so you could uh... hump yourself!

  [storms off] 

  Master Shake : Technically that would not be doing yourself, just for the record.

• Master Shake : [Frylock, Meatwad, and Carl are all carrying a giant soda drink cup out of Wongburger's. After they place it down on the pavement, Mastershake comes out of the restaurant pushing a handcart]  Whew! Was that thing heavy?

  Frylock : Damn it Shake, did you have to order the Superize Trough?

  Master Shake : Hydration is essential...

  [begins drinking through the straw on the cup] 

  Master Shake : ... oh, that's so good...

  [sips again] 

  Master Shake : ... and I need 85...

  [takes a sip that lasts ten seconds] 

  Master Shake : ... gallons of soda per day, and plus!

  [sips again] 

  Master Shake : it comes with the edible handcart!

  [holds up handcart he pushed out and takes a bite out of the wheel] 

  Master Shake : The tires are chocolate!

• Master Shake : Aw, dick!

  Frylock : Shake.

  Master Shake : Everywhere I turn, it's dicks!

  Mr. Wongburger : INTRUDERS! Stop them!

  Rice Henchmen : Close the dick gate!

  Mr. Wongburger : What are you doing, touching my dicks?

  Frylock : You can't just run around, ripping out people's dicks to make a giant Dick Ship!

  Mr. Wongburger : I have an advanced dick-ree in dick-nology!

  Frylock : You're a madman, Wongburger! The ship will never fly!

  Mr. Wongburger : Well, how else am I supposed to get home?

  Frylock : Call someone to pick you up.

  Mr. Wongburger : I will.

  Master Shake : Hey. I got to know which one of these is Carl's.

  Frylock : It don't matter. Just get one.

  Master Shake : YOU grab one! I'm not touching those dicks.

• Frylock : Hang on hang on hang on. I have a better plan. Meatwad, you've got a big dick right?

  Meatwad : Oh yeah, huge. But I need it...

  [smiles devilishly] 

  Meatwad : ... for tonight!

  Frylock : But it's detachable, and that helps us!

  Master Shake : [angrily]  No! No way I am having a dick made of hamburger!

  Frylock : I'm not giving it to you!

  Master Shake : Good! Cuz I don't need it! Cuz I'm HUGE... between the legs!

  Meatwad : Who wants to see my dick?

  [sounds of meat being pressed together are heard, while Frylock, Master Shake, and Carl bug their eyes out] 

  Meatwad : See, Dick Nixon!

  [Meatwad has transformed into a statue of Abraham Lincoln holding a sword] 

  Meatwad : Ol' Tricky Dick!

• Master Shake : Ding dong! The dick is dead, Carl!