- [a banquet hall has become a crime scene]
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Boss?
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Stop eating the evidence.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [while at a banquet to protect Director Shepard, Tony tries to sneak some food and Ziva slaps his hand away] Ow!
- Officer Ziva David: We're not here to eat. We're here to protect the Director.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ziva, this is probably the most secure building in the whole country right now. CIA, DSS, ATF, FBI - the whole alphabet's here. Not to mention state troopers, metro cops and NCIS' finest - me.
- [Ziva gives him a look]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: And you.
- Officer Ziva David: [when Tony's eating a huge, greasy hamburger] You're disgusting. How can you eat that?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You see, Ziva, the human body is a finely tuned engine - none more finely tuned than mine. Even the best engine needs oil.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Our gate crasher was a Marine. Sergeant Brian Wright. The hotel was in lockdown, and he wasn't a registered guest. He took a dive from up there somewhere. SECDEF staff are worried that it was an attempt on the life of their boss.
- Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Are we worried?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: If it was an assassination attempt, he's a lousy assassin. He used his body as a weapon and missed by seventy-five feet.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Well, there's no bag. Maybe the killer took it.
- Officer Ziva David: Maybe she just didn't have a bag.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Every woman has a bag.
- Officer Ziva David: Do I have a bag, McGee?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: No, but you're not a... Well, I mean, you're a woman. You're just not a... not a normal... you're right, every woman does not have a bag.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: How does a homeless guy staying illegally in a hotel order room service?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [exhausted, half-asleep] This wouldn't be a trick question, would it, Probie?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: No.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: He calls room service.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [mimes picking up a telephone with his stapler] "Room Service? Hi, this is the homeless guy staying illegally in Room 607... that's correct, the room shut down for maintenance. I'd like to order some breakfast."
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Definitely a trick question.