Shrek Forever After (2010)

Walt Dohrn: Rumpelstiltskin, Priest, Krekraw Ogre

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rumpelstiltskin : You're not going to eat me?

  Shrek : I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.

• Rumpelstiltskin : I got to say, Shrek, I envy you. To live the life of an ogre; no worries, no responsibilities. You are free to pillage and terrorize as you please.

  Shrek : Free? Oh, that's a laugh.

  Rumpelstiltskin : Oh, yeah?

  Shrek : Sometimes I wish I had just one day to feel like a real ogre again.

  Rumpelstiltskin : Well, why didn't you say so? Magical transactions are my specialty!

• Pinocchio : [Rumpelstiltskin tore out pages of a book]  Uh, sir? You're gonna have to pay for that.

  Rumpelstiltskin : Um, m-m-maybe we can make a deal for it, little boy?

  Pinocchio : Oh, I'm not a real boy.

  Rumpelstiltskin : [smiling wickedly]  Do you want to be?

  [gets evicted from the library] 

  Pinocchio : Nobody needs YOUR deals anymore, Grumpel Stinkypants!

  Rumpelstiltskin : [glares at a torn page with Shrek on it, lividly]  I wish that ogre was never born!

• Rumpelstiltskin : Nobody's smart but me!

• Rumpelstiltskin : I don't know, not much of a storybook ending. The noble Shrek turns himself in to save a bunch of filthy ogres.

  Shrek : All that matters is that they're free and Fiona is safe.

  Rumpelstiltskin : Aw, I bet Fiona would be really touched to hear that. But, hey... I guess you can tell her yourself.

  Shrek : [seeing her chained up]  Fiona! Stiltskin, we had a deal! You agreed to free all ogres!

  Rumpelstiltskin : Oh, yeah. But Fiona isn't all ogre, is she? "By day, one way, by night, another." Blardy, blardy, blar.

• Shrek : So what day *would* I have to give up?

  Rumpelstiltskin : [carving a rat]  Oh, I don't know, any day. A day from your past. How about the day you had the flu? A day you lost a pet?

  [resentfully and faster] 

  Rumpelstiltskin : A day some meddling oaf stuck his Big nose where it didn't belong, destroying your business and ruining your life!

  [the knife shatters the plate, calming down] 

  Rumpelstiltskin : Just for an example.

• Shrek : All right, Rumpel, what's going on? What have you done?

  Rumpelstiltskin : Oh, no, Shrek. It's not what I'VE done. It's what YOU'VE done. Thanks to you, the King and Queen signed their kingdom over to me.

  Shrek : They would never do that.

  Rumpelstiltskin : They would if I promised them all their problems would disappear.

  [in a flashback, Rumpelstiltskin laughs as Harold signs the contract] 

  Rumpelstiltskin : And then THEY disappeared!

  [Harold and Lillian stare in shock and scream as they disappear in sparkly gold dust; their crowns drop down onto the table; back in the present day, Rumpelstiltskin pick up Harold's crown and twirls it around his finger; Shrek looks horrified] 

  Rumpelstiltskin : Ah, they would have done anything if they thought it would end their daughter's curse.

  Shrek : I ended Fiona's curse!

  Rumpelstiltskin : [rolls the crown aside and kicks it away]  How could you when you never existed?

  Shrek : [struggles as the witches force him onto his knees]  You better start making sense, you dirty little man!

  Rumpelstiltskin : [marches up to Shrek and takes the contract out of his vest]  Here, let me spell it out for you! You gave me a day from your past, a day you couldn't even remember. Oh-ho-ho. A day when you were an innocent, mindless little baby.

  [sticks the contract back in Shrek's vest and marches back to his throne whilst humming "Happy Birthday to You"] 

  Shrek : [in shocking realisation]  You took the day I was born.

  Rumpelstiltskin : No, Shrek. You gave it to me.

  Shrek : [rises back onto his feet]  Enjoy this while you can, Stiltskin, because when this day is up--!

  Rumpelstiltskin : But-but-but-but-but you haven't heard the best part. Since you were never born, once this day comes to an end, so will you.

  [a witch places a huge hourglass on the table; Shrek watches the slowly-shifting golden sand] 

  Shrek : Where's Fiona? Where's my family?

  Rumpelstiltskin : Ha! Silly little ogre. You don't get it, do you? You see, you were never born. You never met Fiona. Your kids don't exist.

  [Shrek grimaces as the witches cackle all around him] 

  Rumpelstiltskin : How's that for a metaphysical paradox?

  [Shrek's anger increases as Rumpelstiltskin and the witches laugh even harder and louder] 

  Rumpelstiltskin : Looks like you got exactly what you wanted!

  [Shrek is now completely enraged] 

  Rumpelstiltskin : Happy Ogre Day!

  Shrek : [lunges forward]  Rumpel!

• Rumpelstiltskin : [rolls out a contract]  As you can see, everything's in order.

  King : So you'll put an end... to our daughter's curse?

  Rumpelstiltskin : And in return, you sign the kingdom of Far, Far Away over to me.

  [thunder and lightning flash outside; Harold gasps; Fifi hisses; Harold turns to his wife] 

  King : Lillian, this is madness!

  Queen : What choice do we have, Harold? Fiona has been locked away in that tower far too long.

  Rumpelstiltskin : It's not like she's, uh, getting any younger.

  King : But to sign over our entire kingdom?

  Rumpelstiltskin : [slowly slides the contract away]  Well, if your kingdom's worth more to you than your daughter...

  King : [slams his open palm down onto the contract]  Nothing! Is worth more to us than our daughter.

• [first lines] 

  Rumpelstiltskin : [narrating]  Once upon a time a long time ago, a king and a queen had a beautiful daughter named Fiona. But she was possessed by a terrible curse. By day, a lovely princess; by night, a hideous ogre. Only true love's kiss would lift her curse. So Fiona waited in a tower, guarded by a dragon, until the day when her true love would arrive. But as the days turned into years, the King and Queen were forced to resort to more desperate measures.