The Thick of It (TV Series)

The Rise of the Nutters (2007)

Alex Macqueen: Julius Nicholson

Quotes 

• Jamie : Will this help to fuck the Nutters or not?

  Julius Nicholson : Look James, those Nutters, they do not operate in a vacuum. They're part of the party, they're part of government. I mean, Ben Swain is going on Newsnight tonight, God knows what's that gonna throw up.

  Malcolm Tucker : His lunch. I mean, a big nothing, junior Nutter being interviewed by a dwarf hack.

  Julius Nicholson : That is a Paxman interview.

  Malcolm Tucker : No, it's not Paxman. Are you sure of that?

  Julius Nicholson : Yes Malcolm, I'm sure it's Paxman. I've just spoken to Pat Morissy, she's confirmed it half an hour ago.

  Malcolm Tucker : She's ticked this? Well, fine, you know, Paxman, I mean he's lost his teeth anyway, he's like Russel fucking Hearty these days.

  Jamie : Without the element of danger.

  Malcolm Tucker : [after the meeting]  What happened to my tick?

  Jamie : I don't know.

  Malcolm Tucker : God, I just got it and now Pat's taken it away! It's a two-ticks system and she gets both fucking ticks!

  Jamie : Pumpkin-ticks.

  Malcolm Tucker : She's got a fucking enormous box as well.

• Julius Nicholson : [on the phone]  Malcolm Tucker! To what do I owe the pleasure?

  Malcolm Tucker : This coalface bullshit is gonna make us look like a bunch of gurning wankers!

  Julius Nicholson : We will not look like gurning... people. They point out the problems, we solve it. It's a damn slight more subtle than raising it ourselves.

  Malcolm Tucker : You actually want the Opposition to do this? We are through the looking glass now, folks. Fuck me!

  [to Ollie, Jamie and Ben] 

  Malcolm Tucker : We're gonna get My Little Pony... erm... young Benjamin here to announce that he's going to the coalface, and we're gonna do this before the wankers do, ok?

• Julius Nicholson : Right, I want one minute of your time, Malcolm. Just thought you'd like to know that thanks to the mailstorm of confusion and the toing and the froing and the chopping and the changing, the Legacy project has now been ditched. The Prime Minister decided to pull it. Yeah, I hope you're happy about that, Malcolm. I'm sure you are.

  Malcolm Tucker : You know, Julius, if I wasn't an heterosexual man I would kiss you.

• Julius Nicholson : [after the PM's surprising resignation]  I can't believe it. That was not the date.

  Malcolm Tucker : You can say that again.

  Julius Nicholson : I was given the incorrect date, rather than the date was changed or the original date was not the actual date.

  Malcolm Tucker : Yeah, I fucking know that.

  Julius Nicholson : I can't believe he didn't tell me the fucking date! That is fucking rude, isn't it? I think my diaries will make a pretty interesting reading. Don't try to sack the chief examiner over his son's retake, oh yes, I think they might make an interesting reading, actually.