- Shawn Spencer: Ah, yes... Jessica Chan. And how long was eternity for the two of you?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Three months. But they were awesome months. Except for the end part.
- Shawn Spencer: Right. I'd never seen a girl lie about entering the Witness Protection Program.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: She wasn't lying, Shawn.
- Shawn Spencer: Gus, I saw her at Starbucks.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You can't be sure of that.
- Shawn Spencer: She was wearing a nametag. She had a plaque on the wall, Employee of the Month. Her hobbies were hiding and lying about hiding.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: He wants to meet my grandmother.
- Shawn Spencer: So?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: So, you know one of them is dead and the other one lives in Jamaica.
- Shawn Spencer: Dude, relax! I know, like, five people that could easily play your grandmother.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Okay, so you know a line-dancing octogenarian who can do chin-ups and has two broken hips?
- Shawn Spencer: Yeah, as long as she can be Chinese.
- Landlord: [Gus is lying on the floor pretending to be dead] What the hell's going on?
- Shawn Spencer: Nothing, man.
- Landlord: Nothing? Is that guy dead?
- Shawn Spencer: [sighs] Damn it. Now you've seen too much.
- Landlord: Uh, I didn't see anything.
- Shawn Spencer: Yeah, ya did. You're in this just as deep as I am now. We're going to have to work together.
- Landlord: [nervous] Okay.
- Shawn Spencer: I assume this building has an incinerator, yeah?
- Landlord: Yeah.
- Shawn Spencer: 'Kay. We just have to chop up the body. Then we put the limbs in little plastic baggies and the torso we're going to have to melt down with a blow torch.
- [Landlord looks sick]
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [getting up] Okay, I've heard enough.
- Landlord: [terrified at seeing Gus alive] Oh!
- [runs from the room]
- Carlton Lassiter: Scratch that. I'm gonna let you guys stick around and see what real detecitves do.
- Shawn Spencer: Sweet. Just let us know when they get here.
- [Shawn finds Henry and Lassiter having lunch together]
- Henry Spencer: Shawn! What are you doing here?
- Shawn Spencer: I don't know. I guess I took a wrong turn and ended up in the Twilight Zone.
- Shawn Spencer: What happened here?
- Juliet O'Hara: This isn't a missing persons case anymore. It's attempted murder.
- [Juliet walks away]
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Even *she* gets to say stuff like that!
- Tom: Hey, aren't you Henry Spencer's kid?
- Shawn Spencer: That I am.
- Tom: I took a six-week course he taught at the Academy.
- Shawn Spencer: Lucky you. How was he?
- [beat]
- Tom: Uh...
- Shawn Spencer: Yeah, that just about sums it up.
- Henry Spencer: Shawn never really was one for roughing it. We went camping once. Found him curled up in his sleeping bag because a raccoon was hunting him.
- Shawn Spencer: Stalking me. The raccoon was stalking me, Dad.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: So... The prophecy has been fulfilled.
- Shawn Spencer: Hmm. What? What are you talking about? What prophecy?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Nothing. I just figured it was finally my chance to say something dramatic
- Eve: [about Deanna's boyfriend] Her father totally freaked when he found out, and he told her to end it. Then she tried to be all rebellious and storm off the court.
- Shawn Spencer: Eww! How grody of her.
- Eve: Grody?
- Shawn Spencer: Grody to the max. Grody with a spoon. Come on, work with me, I don't know what the kids are saying these days.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Wait a second! This is my 'Airwolf' windbreaker. I've been looking for this for like five years now. Why did you take this? I never even saw you wear it!
- Shawn Spencer: Of course I didn't wear it. I took it so you wouldn't. Don't put it on! Gus, nobody had an 'Airwolf' jacket except Jan-Michael Vincent!
- Shawn Spencer: Dude, I need you to lay on the ground - pretend to be Deanna.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not pretending to be a woman half- beaten to death, Shawn.
- Shawn Spencer: You know what, I'm starting to wonder if you have serious trust issues with me.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Really?
- Shawn Spencer: Yes. First you wouldn't do the mine field with me, now you won't lay on the floor and pretend to be an unconscious woman - for me. What's going on with you?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Mmmm...... two words: Airwolf windbreaker.
- Shawn Spencer: Alright. Two more: AIRWOLF WINDBREAKER.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Battleship.
- Shawn Spencer: Dude, that was like a million years ago.
- Shawn Spencer: She clearly has someone Daddy doesn't approve of. We find the mystery lover... we find her.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Dude... why don't I ever get to say stuff like that?