The Green Hornet (2011)

Seth Rogen: Britt Reid, The Green Hornet

Photos 

Quotes 

• Britt Reid : Kato, I want you to take my hand, and I want you to come with me on this adventure.

  Kato : I go with you, but I don't want to touch you.

• Kato : You shot yourself face by mistake.

  Britt Reid : How long was I out? What time is it?

  Kato : Two o'clock.

  Britt Reid : Oh, that's not so bad.

  Kato : On Thursday.

  Britt Reid : It's Thursday? Are you ki... It's not Monday right now?

  Kato : No. I'm sorry.

  Britt Reid : Did you put this diaper on me? Well, what did I miss?

  Kato : Nothing really. I did some work on the Black Beauties.

  Britt Reid : "Beauties"?

  [Britt looks in the garage, sees more "Black Beauty" Chrysler Imperials] 

  Britt Reid : Holy crap.

  Kato : They're backups.

  Britt Reid : How the hell did you do this in four days?

  Kato : It's been 11 days.

  Britt Reid : Whoa, 11 days? What? Are kidding me? I wasn't sleeping, I was in a coma, dick!

• Britt Reid : It's not dying that you need be afraid of, it's never having lived in the first place.

• [last lines] 

  Britt Reid : The Green Hornet. His reliable partner, the Blue Wombat.

  Kato : [smacks him] 

  Britt Reid : Oh! Oh, man. Okay, how about, um, the Red Hippopotamus? No? Not Red Hippopotamus?

  Kato : Hippos are not red.

  Britt Reid : I know. Hornets aren't green. Who cares? The, uh, Orange Albatross.

• Britt Reid : What did you think of my father?

  Kato : He was fine.

  Britt Reid : Come on. Just tell me.

  Kato : He was my boss. Nobody loves their boss.

  Britt Reid : Don't sugarcoat this, Kato. You're not gonna offend me. Just tell me, man to man.

  Kato : He was a bit of a dick.

• Lenore Case : I'm only thirty six.

  Britt Reid : Thirty six? Holy shit, I had no idea. I thought you were 31, tops. I don't even know if I can hire a thirty six year old. We'll have to build a ramp, huh?

• Kato : I was born in Shanghai. You know Shanghai?

  Britt Reid : I love Japan.

• Lenore Case : If you ever so much as look at my ass again...

  Britt Reid : I can't even see your ass.

  Lenore Case : I will sue you for sexual harassment. Do you understand?

  Britt Reid : Hugs?

  Lenore Case : [slams her door in his face] 

• Britt Reid : You know what you are. You're a human Swiss army knife.

  Kato : I don't know what's that mean?

  Britt Reid : It's a little things, and you keep pulling out things, and just when you think there couldn't be any more cool things, a new cool thing comes out, and that's you! You are even dressed like one. You should have a little plus on your chest.

• [repeated line] 

  Britt Reid : Let's roll, Kato!

• Mike Axford : You are blowing this guy completely out of proportion.

  Britt Reid : I will blow this guy in any proportion I want!

• Kato : But it's okay now, I fixed the Hornet gas. The gas only lasts one hour.

  Britt Reid : Can I see it?

  Kato : Okay, but be careful this time. Okay?

  Britt Reid : I just want to look at it. Just give it to me for one second...

  [shoots the Hornet gas in Kato's face] 

  Britt Reid : See you in an hour.

• [Britt, in his mind, is putting together the pieces between his father, Chudnofsky and Scanlon] 

  James Reid : Think, Britt. You can figure this out, my son, with your brains.

  Britt Reid : Okay, two years ago, Scanlon decides to run for DA. He says he's cleaning up the streets of L.A., which is impossible. So he asked the media to slant the news. And you go along with it like everybody else?

  James Reid : No way. l refused.

  Britt Reid : So he... Shit! What does he do? So Scanlon decides to go really dirty. Makes a pact with a criminal. Chudnofsky kills your reporter. Vertolibe? Vertoleeb?

  James Reid : I didn't want more bloodshed, so I stopped reporting on crime.

  Britt Reid : Scanlon can hold up his part of the deal, keeping the media under control, and Chudnofsky does whatever he wants! But Chudnofsky had a different plan. He wanted to take over all the gangs of L.A. So that's when you decided to cut the strings.

  James Reid : I couldn't look in the mirror. I hated every word I said to you that morning, Britt.

  Britt Reid : So you start reporting on crime again. And now Scanlon is a dead man unless he proves he's still in control. He has no choice but to organize a meeting with you, and he kills you himself. In the end, you stood up for what's right, Dad. Now l have to do the same.

• Britt Reid : Kato, we have a secret mission.

• Britt Reid : Think about this, Kato. What is the one insanely stupid thing every superhero has in common?

  Kato : Tights?

  Britt Reid : No.

  Kato : Cape?

  Britt Reid : No, Kato. It's that everybody knows they're the good guy, the hero, you know? All the bad guy has to do is start capping innocent people and he's got the good guy by the nuts! It's in every movie, it's in every comic book. It's in everything. It's so stupid. But if the bad guy thought the good guy was also a bad guy, he wouldn't be able to do that. That's what we will do differently. We will pose as villains, but we'll act like heroes.

  Kato : But then, the police and the bad guys will both try to kill us.

  Britt Reid : We're dead already, Kato. I mean, seriously, look at us. We've both been completely wasting our potential. You a little more than me. What do you want your autobiography to be called? "Oil Changes and Cappuccinos"? Because I think, "Balls Deep in Shit-Kicking Dudes by Kato" is a much cooler-sounding book. I would read that book, and I don't read shit! But when they adapted it as a movie, I would see the shit out of it. Kato, you would never have to make coffee for anyone again. It's a waste of your talent. It's not dying that you need to be afraid of. It's never having lived in the first place.

• Britt Reid : [grabs a gangster, trying to find out who the gang works for]  Who do you work... for...?

• Britt Reid : Girls are a drag. I'm so glad we have each other Kato.

• Britt Reid : Everyone knows, when you corner a hornet, you get stung.

• Kato : You like your father now?

  Britt Reid : Yes! You see, he wasn't a dick after all. Well, he was a dick, just not really how we thought he was.

• Britt Reid : [Britt is getting back at his father by severing his dead father's statue's head]  Do you it makes me happy to do this, dad?

• Scanlon : I'm not actually here for forgiveness, Britt.

  Britt Reid : I don't understand.

  Scanlon : You understand nothing, so l'm gonna explain it to you very simply. If you ever come across any article regarding a major crime, a man named Benjamin Chudnofsky, or anything that makes this city think I am not the fine line protecting the light from the darkness, you're gonna bring it to me. You're gonna bring it to me and l'll tell you if it's okay to print in your stupid little newspaper. That's how I did it with your dad. And that's how you and l are gonna do it.

  Britt Reid : [feigning disbelief]  Scanlon, are you saying you want me to let you write the news?

  Scanlon : Finally. You understand.

  Britt Reid : Here's what I understand. That you, son, just got played... by a playa!

  [Britt pulls out a hidden USB recorder disguised as a piece of sushi] 

  Britt Reid : Recording device. USB. No, you can't have it, it's mine! You stupid schmuck! I got you by the balls, Scanlon. I own a newspaper, genius. This'll be front-page.

  Scanlon : I'm impressed.

  Britt Reid : You should be.

  Scanlon : It won't do you any good.

  Britt Reid : How could it not? Are you gonna kill me in this restaurant?

  Scanlon : Yes.

  Britt Reid : What, you're gonna murder me?

  Scanlon : Yeah. Like I murdered your father.

  Britt Reid : I don't think so. My dad was not murdered. He died of a bee sting.

  Scanlon : No, no, your father died of an overdose of apitoxin, most commonly found in a bee sting, which he happened to be allergic to. But that apitoxin was administered by me.

• Kato : Dickweed.

  Britt Reid : Okay, you're calling me that too now? I know people call me that. That's not a surprise to me. That's not a mystery, okay?

  Kato : Why not? You say rude things to me all day, every day. That's not how partners work.

  Britt Reid : We're not partners. I'm the hero, you're my sidekick! That's what this is! I'm Indy, you're Short Round! Simon, Garfunkel! Scooby, Doo!

• Gang Leader : Give him a route canal!

  Britt Reid : I don't want one!

• Britt Reid : I think we're in the hood, Kato.