The Sopranos (TV Series)

Walk Like a Man (2007)

James Gandolfini: Tony Soprano

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Quotes 

• Tony Soprano : It's in his blood, this miserable fuckin' existence. My rotten, fuckin' putrid genes have infected my kid's soul. That's my gift to my son.

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : I know all this is difficult but I'm very glad we're having this discussion.

  Tony Soprano : Really, really? 'Cause I gotta be honest, I think it fuckin' sucks.

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : What does?

  Tony Soprano : This. Therapy. I HATE this fuckin' shit! Seriously, we're both adults here, right? So after all is said and done, after all the complainin' and the cryin' and all the fuckin' bullshit... is this all there is?

• Tony Soprano : I came here today to tell you, in all seriousness, that I'm done. I did what you said. I gave it a lot of thought and I decided, once and for all, it's over. The truth is this therapy is a jerk-off. You know it and I know it.

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : I actually don't know it but please continue.

  Tony Soprano : It's a jerk-off.

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Yes, you've said that.

• Tony Soprano : These fuckin' women, they'll drive you nuts with their emotions and whatnot. And I know it feels like you're never gonna love anybody again. But trust me, there's millions of girls that are dyin' to meet a guy like you. I see 'em every day.

  Anthony Soprano, Jr. : Oh, right. I'm so special.

  Tony Soprano : You're damn right you are. You're handsome, and smart, and hard worker, and - let's be honest - white. That's a huge plus nowadays... Go out and get a blowjob.

  Anthony Soprano, Jr. : I don't want a blowjob!

  Tony Soprano : Keep your voice down.

  Anthony Soprano, Jr. : Why? Who's listening out there?

  Tony Soprano : Nobody.

  [Carmela opens the door] 

  Anthony Soprano, Jr. : Ah, fuck me!

• Carmela Soprano : It's better to have loved than lost, A.J. It's better to have loved and lost, A.J.

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr. : [incredulous]  What?

  Tony Soprano : It is.

• Carmela Soprano : You've heard the term "comfort food". Maybe it'll make you feel better.

  Anthony Soprano, Jr. : I know this is hard for you to believe, but food may not be the answer to every problem.

  Tony Soprano : Neither is acting like a whiny little bitch.

• Tony Soprano : You knock off early, we, uh, go back to your place, christen those new sheets you were telling me about.

  Lori : The man with the plan, huh?

  Tony Soprano : Uh, the man with the erection.

• Tony Soprano : [sees Chris barbecuing]  Oh, look at that wrist action! All those years yankin' it are finally startin' to pay off.

• Tony Soprano : What the fuck's with you?

  Carlo Gervasi : Root canal, they got me on oxycodone. My whole fuckin' head is numb.

  Tony Soprano : Well, that answers some questions.

• Carmela Soprano : [referring to AJ's depression caused by his fiancée breaking up with him]  he's an emotional wreck!

  Tony Soprano : [after letting AJ attend a party at a strip club]  and seeing a pair of tits is going to send him over the edge?

• Agent Dwight Harris : Hey, what's the good word?

  Tony Soprano : Can't complain

  Agent Dwight Harris : Sure, you could, Phil Leotardo. My first assignment out of the academy was in Brooklyn. Never cared for him. He tried to set up this other rookie, a female for rape and beating

  Tony Soprano : Listen, that subject we talked about: if I were to know something possibly terror related and help you out, could I "bank" the result in goodwill?

  Agent Dwight Harris : Well, what happens is, I would personally write you what's called a "5-k letter". It's a document setting forth your cooperation and service. It would be placed in your file, "if" you were ever convicted of a crime, it would be presented to a judge when he or she is considering sentencing guidelines

  Tony Soprano : There were a couple of guys. Arabs, Arabians maybe, they used to hang around the Bing and someone I know may have done some business with them

  Agent Ron Goddard : At the port?

  Agent Dwight Harris : [to Tony, after gesturing to Ron not to interfere and interrupt]  you were saying?

  Tony Soprano : Alright, the point is they used to be around all the time these two, drinking, trying to tit fuck the girls whatever, and suddenly their disappeared. I mean completely: then a week or so ago I'm driving and see them with these other guys with the head gear, the beard and the whole "fundamental" bit, but there's nothing illegal going on over there, right?

  Agent Ron Goddard : What were they doing?

  Tony Soprano : Walking, then they meet up with this other group

  Agent Dwight Harris : You got a name?

• Christopher Moltisanti : [rushes into the back office of the Bada Bing strip club]  Listen, I gotta talk to you

  Tony Soprano : Now?

  Christopher Moltisanti : It can't wait, this fuckin Paulie

  Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri : What happened?

  Christopher Moltisanti : [ignores Bobby, to Tony]  He sent his idiot nephew and Jason Molinaro to my father in law's store: they boosted a palate of power saws

  Tony Soprano : They did?

  Christopher Moltisanti : Yeah, not exactly, Al caught them while they were there

  Tony Soprano : So, they did or did not take the saws?

  Christopher Moltisanti : They did, under a false pretense

  Tony Soprano : [irritated]  And this what you couldn't wait to talk to me about?

  Christopher Moltisanti : They broke into the guy's store!

  Tony Soprano : [referring to him, Sil, and Bobby]  Yeah, I hear ya, I get it but we're in the middle of talking about an ongoing potentially multimillion dollar proposition here

  Christopher Moltisanti : It ain't the money

  Tony Soprano : [surprised, sarcastically]  Oh really? Well, I'm glad you feel that way

  Tony Soprano : [to Sil and Bobby]  Palate of drills, you believe this shit?

  Tony Soprano : [to Christopher]  Go have a Lime Rickey or whatever the fuck it is your drinking these days, and we'll be done in a few minutes

  Christopher Moltisanti : Forget it, alright? I got other shit to do

• Carmela Soprano : [after Meadow knocks on their bedroom door]  Come in

  Meadow Soprano : I need to talk to you guys

  Tony Soprano : What's the matter? Finn?

  Meadow Soprano : No, not about me: AJ

  Carmela Soprano : what about him?

  Meadow Soprano : [referring to his fiancé Blanca breaking up with him]  I know his upset but his been saying some "things" that are really disturbing

  Carmela Soprano : Like what?

  Meadow Soprano : Like "Nobody gives a shit about him", "What's the point of anything", stuff like that. I told you about that girl Hadley sophomore year, the one who threw herself off the library balcony? These are the exact kind of "things" she was saying, I don't mean to get you all upset

  Carmela Soprano : Of course not. I'm glad you said something

• Christopher Moltisanti : [over the phone]  Hey, T

  Tony Soprano : Yeah, I'm here with some people and the Arabs from The Bing, what were their names?

  Christopher Moltisanti : [confused]  Some people?

  Tony Soprano : exactly

  Christopher Moltisanti : [realizing who Tony's referring to]  Oh fuck, yeah. Ahmed and Muhammad, what'd they do?

  Tony Soprano : [repeats the names to Harris and Goddard who are sitting nearby]  Ahmed and Muhammad

  Christopher Moltisanti : You know, actually I got a cell phone number. I called him recently but he don't answer no more

  Christopher Moltisanti : [after looking at his cell phone for their numbers]  973-555-0146, tell me they're not gonna blow up the chemical plant or some shit

  Tony Soprano : I don't know, I'll call you later

• Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr. : I'm fuckin depressed, ok?

  Tony Soprano : you broke up, how long you wanna cry about it?

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr. : [referring to Blanca Selgado]  She was my life

  Tony Soprano : Your twenty years old, you barely have a life and you're better off anyway. She was cute, ok? But come on, with another guy's kid to boot

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr. : She was the best thing that ever happened to me

  Tony Soprano : What you're going through, what you're feeling right now, it happens sometimes: everybody gets the "blues", there's a half a billion-dollar industry devoted to it

  Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr. : What, Prozac?

  Tony Soprano : No, the music business: they write thousands of songs about this shit, "Tears on my pillow", "Mona Lisa", right?

• Patsy Parisi : How you doin?

  Tony Soprano : [referring to the envelope full of cash Patsy just handed him]  This always helps

  Tony Soprano : [after seeing the large amount inside]  Whoa

  Tony Soprano : [jokingly]  God bless the NFL

  Patsy Parisi : I'll tell you, I owe a spot of it to my son. I was against this kid even going to college, but once when him and Carlo's kid started taking action on campus, as far as I'm concerned, he should stay until he gets a PHD

  Tony Soprano : Benefits of a higher education

  Patsy Parisi : Hey, don't get me wrong: his learning stuff too, the shit this kid knows about computers, he set up his mother with a whole website for her ceramics business

  Tony Soprano : You must be very proud

  Patsy Parisi : Believe me, I thank God every day

• Tony Soprano : I was coming here to quit, I had it all planned out, but guess what? My son's talking about suicide so I'm trapped here forever

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : My God, what did he say?

  Tony Soprano : his girlfriend, fiancé, whatever, she broke up with him, his beyond devastated

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Would you like me to recommend someone for him to talk to?

  Tony Soprano : Carmela is getting a referral from our old pediatrician

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : oh

  Tony Soprano : after that incompetent you sent Meadow to?

  Tony Soprano : [Referring to Patsy and Carlo]  you know friends of mine have sons his age, their happy, ambitious, they fuckin take life as it comes

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : I know it seems that way but do you really know these boys?

  Tony Soprano : I know what I see, my son crawled up on the couch in a fetus position when he should be out banging co-eds

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : Have you talked to him?

  Tony Soprano : [Referring to Carmela]  until I'm "blue" in the face. We both have, now we're afraid to talk to him because of what he might do. Obviously, I'm prone to depression, certain bleak attitude about the world but I know I can handle it. Your kids though, it's like when their little and get sick, you'd give anything to the world to trade places with them so they don't have to suffer and then you think you're the cause of it

  Dr. Jennifer Melfi : how are you the cause of it?

• Tony Soprano : [while walking over to him after seeing him turn over meat on the barbeque grill, jokingly]  Oh, look at that wrist action! All those years yanking it are finally starting to pay off

  Tony Soprano : [referring to the beer Christopher's drinking]  That non-alcoholic shit any good?

  Christopher Moltisanti : It's alright

  Tony Soprano : [after taking a sip when Christopher gives it to him, jokingly]  Less filling, taste like ass

  Tony Soprano : [after Christopher chuckles]  This is nice: about time you invited everybody over

  Christopher Moltisanti : It's Kelli's idea, she's been wanting to get her teeth wet with the entertaining

  Tony Soprano : Good thing, or else I'd never see ya

  Christopher Moltisanti : What're you talking about?

  Tony Soprano : [when noticing it on the grill]  The steak's done

  Christopher Moltisanti : You think so?

  Tony Soprano : It keeps cooking even if it's off the flame: the juices

  Tony Soprano : [changing the subject]  So, what's up with you? You've been like a ghost lately: your around one second then the next, your gone

  Christopher Moltisanti : I was by The Bing the other day

  Tony Soprano : for like five minutes

  Christopher Moltisanti : You know, you of all people should know how hard it is for me to be around that place

  Tony Soprano : I should? Why?

  Christopher Moltisanti : because you're in therapy, you understand the human condition at least. The truth is between the booze and the strippers over there, half of them are fuckin coke heads, it's hard you know? And Satriale's, that fridge full of beer, you know tough it is to eat sausage and peppers without having a cold one?

  Tony Soprano : Then just quit, you want a beer? Too bad, show some balls

  Christopher Moltisanti : [adamantly]  I got balls

  Tony Soprano : I can't eat eggplant no more because of my stomach, it might put me into a relapse. Now believe me, I'd like to but I don't

  Christopher Moltisanti : It's not that simple

  Tony Soprano : Well, make it simple

  Christopher Moltisanti : [referring to alcohol and substance abuse]  it's a disease, I inherited it, you know the problem with my mother

  Tony Soprano : I gotta be honest: this whole disease concept, I think it's bullshit

  Christopher Moltisanti : You know more than the leading scientists?

  Tony Soprano : I know a crutch when I see it

  Christopher Moltisanti : So, my dad? You obviously knew he had a "crutch"

  Tony Soprano : The fuck you talkin about?

  Christopher Moltisanti : Come on, huh? Between the coke and vodka and whatever else he was squirting up his arm, let's be honest about the great Dickie Moltisanti, my dad, your hero: wasn't much more than a fuckin junkie

• Christopher Moltisanti : [Referring to throwing little Paulie out a window]  I did a stupid thing Tone, I won't deny it

  Tony Soprano : Stupid? I just hung up with Paulie, his nephew's got six broken vertebrates

  Christopher Moltisanti : I know that and I'm sorry but this is the second fuckin time Paulie flouted his authority to my face. This shit with the tools, I know he set up the deal with the Cubans but this my father-in-law we're talking about: my family

  Tony Soprano : In any case this bullshit could've been handled with a conversation

  Christopher Moltisanti : I came to the Bing remember? I tried to talk to you about it

  Tony Soprano : And I told you to wait and you left to go God knows where. I've got to be honest because this goes directly to what we've talked about more than once. If you were around more you'd have your finger on pulse problems like these would've squashed in the womb

  Christopher Moltisanti : Whether I'm around has nothing to do with it. He needed the tools? He could've left me a message

  Tony Soprano : [Sarcastically]  we're supposed to leave phone messages about interstate hijackings now? How about faxes? Emails? Make it even easier for the cops. This is a face to face business, Christopher and yeah I'm going to talk to Paulie because believe me there's a few things he needs to hear. But in the mean time you figure out how much he owes for the tools and we'll deduct that against with what your going to owe for little Little Paulie's hospital bills