Kevin Eldon: Max, Symptomless Coma Patient, Irate Man, Best Man, Man #2 In Restaurant, Towing Service Official #1, Simon

Quotes 

• Car Owner : Day before yesterday I picked me car up from the garage. Geezer says, "Over there, mate. Key's in the ignition". I looked, and I cannot bloody believe it. The car is only FOUR foot long! I said, "What's this?". He goes, "It's your car". I said, "What ya mean it's my FUCKING CAR?". He said, "That's what it was like when you dragged it in here." And I said, "Don't fuck me about, how did I drive that here when it's only two foot six tall?". He said, "Ya must've put on some weight." Thought I was going fuckin' mad. Then the manager comes up, I said, "What the fuck's going on here? I paid good money for this." He goes, "What's wrong with it?". I say "What do ya mean 'What's fucking wrong with it?', look at the SIZE of it!" He goes, "What?" I said, "It's only about four fucking foot long, what the fuck have you done with it?" He says, "Oh, well that's how it came in. I particularly remember that one cos I used to have one myself." A fucking four foot Vauxhall Carlton though, fucking yes. I said, "Is that it then? Is that what I have to drive away?" And he said, "It's your car, take it or leave it. It's up to you." So I had to fucking squeeze into it, didn't I? Fucking knees round me ears, and this FOUR FUCKING FOOT CAR is only TWO FOOT SIX TALL. I mean, what am I, FUCKING NODDY?