Scrubs (TV Series)

My Own Worst Enemy (2007)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : What is wrong with me?

  Dr.Perry Cox : You're an annoying, whiny man-child.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : That question wasn't directed at you!

  Dr.Perry Cox : What question?

• Dr.Perry Cox : That's it! Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the First Annual Sacred Heart Who-Caresies Awards, designed to honor those people who believe that others actually give a rat's ass about the minutiae of their lives.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [narrating]  The weird thing was, I think we all really wanted to win.

  [J.D.'s fantasy starts] 

  Dr.Perry Cox : And the nominees are Barbie Reid for "What Am I Gonna Do About My Ex-Fiancé?"; Dame Judy Dorian for "I'm Done Self-Sabotaging"; Gandhi for "I've Got Candy In My Teeth"; The Todd for "Look At My New Shirt!".

  [on Todd's shirt is written SHHH! DONG SLEEPING] 

  Dr.Perry Cox : And the winner is... Dame Judy Dorian! This is Dame Judy Dorian's first nomination and first win.

  [J.D.'s fantasy ends] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [narrating]  Suck on that, Tony Shaloub!

• Dr.Perry Cox : [seeing Beardfacé in the room]  Beardface! What do you say?

  Dr. Beardface : [angry]  It's Beardfacé! Why do you people insist on calling me "Beardface"?

  Joe Hutnik : [clears his throat]  May I?

  Dr.Perry Cox : Go for it.

  Joe Hutnik : Well, I just got here, but if I had to guess, I would say it's because your face is, like, five-sixths beard.

  Dr. Beardface : Damn you!

  [storms off] 

• Dr.Perry Cox : Mr. Hutnik, I see here you are admitted for swollen lymph nodes and abdominal pain.

  Joe Hutnik : I'm also having heart palpitations.

  Dr.Perry Cox : Oh, I think I can help you with that one; you see, I am very, very handsome.

  Joe Hutnik : I was gonna say.

• Dr. Christopher Turk : [Dr. Beardfacé walks into the room]  What it do, Beardface?

  Dr. Beardface : [crossly]  It's Beardfacé. Beard*facé*!

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Calm down, Seymour.

  Dr.Perry Cox : If you wanna lose the nickname, you gotta shave the beard. 'Course, then you'd be Dr. Face.

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Hah! Dr. Face.

  Dr. Beardface : Damn you all!

  [storms off] 

  Dr. Christopher Turk : I wonder what he's hiding under all that hair.