Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV Series)

Ding Dong (2020)

Andre Braugher: Raymond Holt

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chief Wuntch : [On video]  Hello, Raymond. Surprised to see me?

  Raymond Holt : Well, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times, so yes.

  Amy Santiago : When did she record this?

  Rosa Diaz : Judging by the flames around her, it could be a livestream.

• Raymond Holt : As many of you know, Madeline and I were bitter rivals, but I've come to realize she held a special place in my life. No one challenged me like she did or made me feel as alive. Our relationship was like an epic chess match. And it's hard to believe that... She'll never make another move.

  [He hears a notification on his phone] 

  Raymond Holt : Unless...

  [He checks his phone] 

  Raymond Holt : No, it's just a notification. Cheddar's doggy toothpaste has shipped. So she is gone, and I wish she were not. I will miss you, Madeline Wuntch.

• Raymond Holt : Wait, Wuntch is dead?

  Terry Jeffords : Yeah. The Commissioner's office just notified us.

  Raymond Holt : No way that's true. As Wuntch says when she sees deodorant, "I'm not buying it."

• Raymond Holt : [about Madeleine Wuntch]  What does that human blister want now? Does she intend to demote me even further? Or perhaps she'll transfer me to the swamps of New Jersey so I can patrol the sinkhole where she was spawned.

  Jake Peralta : Or it's possible the announcement has nothing to do with you.

  Raymond Holt : Oh, good thinking, Peralta. You're right. Maybe Madeline wants to inform us all that she's a Cheuksin.

  Jake Peralta : A what?

  Raymond Holt : A Cheuksin. A Korean toilet ghost, lives in an outhouse, wraps her hair around your throat and chokes you to death while you move your bowels.

  Jake Peralta : You know what? I will give you $6,000 if the announcement is she's a Cheuksin.

• Amy Santiago : [Upset, crying]  Oh, my God! I just heard about Wuntch! She was so young!

  Raymond Holt : For a redwood tree.

• Amy Santiago : Look, since you can't say anything nice, try saying the opposite of whatever you're thinking.

  Raymond Holt : Interesting. I'll give it a whirl. Madeline Wuntch was... A friend.

  Rosa Diaz : See? It's not that hard to say something ni... Oh, you're vomiting.

• Terry Jeffords : All you have to do is say a few nice comments during the memorial.

  Raymond Holt : As God said when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, "It ain't happening, honey."

• Terry Jeffords : Oh, you must be feeling better. You're heating up your favorite meal; beans.

  Raymond Holt : They're refried. It's bad enough they were cooked once, let alone twice, and now the toaster oven makes it three times. I couldn't be crying for help any louder.

• Raymond Holt : You don't feel sad when a monster dies in a monster movie. In "E.T.," do you feel sad when E.T. dies?

  Chief Wuntch : Yes.

  Terry Jeffords : He wasn't a monster.

  Raymond Holt : He caused a real commotion.

• Raymond Holt : That man is lying. I don't believe Wuntch had another rival. I saw it in her eyes. She only had hate for me.

  Rosa Diaz : Are you jealous?

  Raymond Holt : Of course I am. I despised her with my entire being while she was only despising me with a fraction of hers?

• Adam Jarver : Excuse me. Is this the memorial for Madeline Wuntch?

  Raymond Holt : Yes, this is the memorial for Madeline Wuntch. Just saying her name brings tears to my eyes.

  Adam Jarver : Why, because her heart was made of onions?

  Raymond Holt : Excuse me?

  Adam Jarver : Madeline Wuntch was what you get when you cross a slug with an anal fissure. We spent our entire lives trying to destroy each other. I was her one true nemesis.

  Raymond Holt : No!

• Nikolaj Boyle : Wow, that speech would have been amazing. I had to look up what a toilet ghost was.

  Raymond Holt : Uh, yes, I took a trip to Korea just to research a new Wuntch insult. In fact it's been a motivation for most of my international travel.