Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV Series)
Ransom (2020)
Andy Samberg: Jake Peralta
Photos
Quotes
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Captain Ray Holt : That's weird. It's sunny outside.
Jake Peralta : Why's that weird?
Captain Ray Holt : Because a **bleep** storm is about to rain down on that punk.
Jake Peralta : Oh, my God, I fell for it, and I loved it.
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Captain Ray Holt : [to Cheddar's kidnapper, as they are fighting] Oh, I see you have a knife. But what you need is an umbrella.
Jake Peralta : [From inside the car, to himself] Tell him why. Tell him why!
Captain Ray Holt : 'Cause there's a **bleep** storm gonna rain down on you, punk!
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Jake Peralta : Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
Captain Ray Holt : Yes! That's the right level of excitement for such a bird. You captured the essence of Kevin. You've done it.
Jake Peralta : Correction, I've accomplished it.
Captain Ray Holt : Indeed.
Kevin Cozner : Indeed.
Jake Peralta : Indeed, indeed, indeed...
Jake Peralta , Captain Ray Holt , Kevin Cozner : Indeed, indeed, indeed, indeed, indeed.
Jake Peralta : It's growing on me.
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Kevin Cozner : And then I said, "Which 'Metamorphosis'? Kafka or Ovid?"
[Captain Holt laughs]
Kevin Cozner : He loves it. He loves it.
[Captain Holt sighs]
Kevin Cozner : So that's the joke. Now, you tell it.
Jake Peralta : Oh, okay,
[clears throat]
Jake Peralta : So, a professor walks in to a rare books collection...
Kevin Cozner : No, you've ruined it. Now it's not funny.
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Jake Peralta : Perhaps the kidnapper's watch is slow.
Captain Ray Holt : Oh, dear God, if his watch is slow, there's no telling what else this psychopath is capable of.
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Captain Ray Holt : Peralta, my office.
Jake Peralta : Oh, Kevin's here. And you both look so upset. Oh, no, did they stop funding the arts?
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Kevin Cozner : Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
Jake Peralta : [Does a perfect imitation] Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
Captain Ray Holt : No, you're too excited. The warbler's a common bird.
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Jake Peralta : The 92nd Street Y, I had a wonderful symposium on just that topic.
Kevin Cozner : That's it. You're getting it.
Jake Peralta : Ah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Captain Ray Holt : Don't say "cool," instead say "indeed."
Jake Peralta : Oh, indeed, indeed, indeed, indeed, indeed.
[laughs]
Jake Peralta : It's weird.
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Kevin Cozner : Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
Jake Peralta : [Does a perfect imitation] Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
Captain Ray Holt : Ugh, not excited enough. They may be common, but they're still birds.
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Jake Peralta : [phone ringing] He's calling. Wait, Kevin, we didn't go over how you answer the phone.
Captain Ray Holt : There isn't time. Just answer.
Jake Peralta : Okay.
[answers phone]
Jake Peralta : You've reached Professor Kevin Cozner. Please start speaking when I finish this sentence.