The Good Place (TV Series)

A Girl from Arizona Part 2 (2019)

Ted Danson: Michael

Photos 

Quotes 

• Michael : Do you know why I forced you to act like a monk in the original neighbourhood?

  Jason Mendoza : Does it have to do with the TV show Monk?

  Michael : No. It's because you have no control over your own impulses. You believe every problem can be solved with a Molotov cocktail, slashing someone's tires or plunging Derek. So being a monk was torture for you. The only way for you to repair your relationship with Janet is to give her some space; show her that you can control your impulses.

  Jason Mendoza : So you are saying wanting to do something isn't a good reason to immediately do it.

  Michael : Yeah.

  Jason Mendoza : I wish someone had taught me this on Earth.

  Michael : People tried, mostly judges.

• Michael : Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason.

  Jason Mendoza : Mm hmm?

  Michael : Sorry, I put a little cheat code in the neighborhood where if I say your name five times, my headache goes away.

• [Eleanor has quit her role as team leader] 

  Eleanor Shellstrop : I'm not meant for this! I'm not the frickin' savior of the universe. I'm just... a girl from Arizona. That's it. I'm just a normal girl from Arizona. I ate junk food, I watched reality shows, I sometimes left H&M wearing more underpants than I had on when I came in. I did a bad job of being in charge of my own life, and now I'm supposed to be in charge of everyone else's life? I... I cannot do this.

  Michael : When I started my experiment, I thought, 'Four broken birdbrains who will believe everything I tell them. This will be a breeze.' You beat me in three months. 'Okay, fine,' I thought, 'a fluke.' You then beat me 800 more times. Because human beings, it turns out, are weird, and I will never truly understand what it's like to be one. This is a job for a human. One who's tough, but also empathetic, and has a big heart - and a world-class bullshirt detector. You think you can't do this? Eleanor, you're the only one who can do this. Like it or not, the only one who can save humanity is a girl from Arizona.

• Michael : Come on, you know how this works. You fail, and then you try something else, and you fail again, and again, and you fail a thousand times, and you keep trying, because... maybe the 1001st idea might work. Now, I'm gonna go and try to find our 1001st idea. I hope you'll join me... I hope you shower first and then join me.

• Brent Norwalk : One time I did shots with this pilot in the lounge, the guy let me fly his helicopter.

  Michael : We know. That's how you died.

• Janet : It isn't personal, Eleanor. When we started this experiment, I calculated a 9% chance of success. After your first three days on the job, it's down to 7.1%. So purely from a mathematical standpoint, you are kind of pooching it.

  Eleanor Shellstrop : Very helpful feedback. And if I could give you some feedback, uh, I'd say that you're all ungrateful ash-faces, who can shove your fat grumps all the way up your snork-box.

  Michael : [confused]  Which curses were those?