The Thick of It (TV Series)

Spinners and Losers (2007)

Tim Bentinck: Cliff Lawton

Quotes 

• Jamie : Are you a horse?

  Cliff Lawton : Sorry?

  Jamie : Are you a fucking horse?

  Cliff Lawton : Um... dunno... what you mean... wh...

  Jamie : Are you a fucking horse?

  Cliff Lawton : Ok... No I'm not a horse.

  Jamie : Are you sure?

  Cliff Lawton : I'm sure.

  Jamie : You got a pretty fucking horsey face, and a bit of a horsey wife... are you a fucking horse? Are you?

  Cliff Lawton : Ok, leaving the wife aside for a second...

  Jamie : Are you a horse?

  Cliff Lawton : No...

  Jamie : EXACTLY!

  Cliff Lawton : -Categorically say I'm not a horse

  Jamie : You're not a fucking horse. You're no horse, and you're not a stalking horse. You are the real thing. We will ram you up Tom's arse so hard that he will have to shit out of his lying mouth.

  Cliff Lawton : Not a very nice image. It's motivating...

• Cliff Lawton : Malcolm!

  Malcolm Tucker : Elvis! Sorry, sorry, Cliff. Where are you off to?

  Cliff Lawton : I'm actually off to see and old collegue, you know, back from the old days, before you asked me to resign.

  Malcolm Tucker : Oh, lovely, lovely. Well, look, I'd love to stop and chat but I'd rather have type 2 diabetes.

  Cliff Lawton : Yes, fuck you.

  Malcolm Tucker : Happy New Year.

• Malcolm Tucker : [answering his cellphone]  Terri, I think you've dialled the wrong number, this is not the Samaritans.

  Terri Coverley : Yes, very very funny. Listen, I've got something for you, a bit of intelligence. Jamie has got Cliff Lawton as his stalking horse.

  Malcolm Tucker : Who told you it was Lawton? Martha Karney's gardner?

  Terri Coverley : Malcolm, it was Robyn told me.

  [Tucker hangs up] 

  Terri Coverley : Malcolm? Are you there?

  Jamie : [cut to Jamie and Cliff]  Nobody gives a shit if you got shuffted by Malcolm.

  Cliff Lawton : I will never ever forgive him for what he did to me.

  Jamie : Jesus, this isn't Eastenders! This is politics! We're all in the same playing pit, Cliff, there's no clean hands.

  Cliff Lawton : Alright.

  Jamie : [phone rings. Jamie answers]  Yeah?

  Malcolm Tucker : Jamie... What's that sort of droning noise in the background there? What, kind of boring, kind of low, sort of droning, boring, kind of miserable, whining, kind of, sort of boring noise going on?

  Jamie : Yeah, well you've got it wrong, yeah?

  Malcolm Tucker : Cliff fucking Lawton. Hey, nice. Was the Cillit Bang guy not availabe?

  Jamie : Fuck you.

  [hangs up] 

  Cliff Lawton : [reading from his speech]  "... to put it simply, I'm back!"

  Jamie : Oh fuck off, Cliff!

  Cliff Lawton : Sorry?

  Jamie : Fuck off! You're a busted flush! You're not gonna be any Prime Minister, you're not gonna be anything, so fuck off!

  Cliff Lawton : That's your thing, isn't it? Everything has to be in absolutes, everything has to be black and white. You know, "I love you -fuck off". There are lots of shades of grey, you know!

  Jamie : I know that, I'm looking at fifteen of them right now!

• Jamie : Oh fuck off Cliff.

  Cliff Lawton : Sorry?

  Jamie : Fuck off. You're a busted flush, you're not gonna be Prime Minister. You're not gonna be anything so fuck off.

  Cliff Lawton : This is your thing isn't it, everything has to be in absolutes, everything has to be in black and white you know, I love you - Fuck off. There are lots of shades of grey you know!

  Jamie : I know I'm looking at 15 of them right now.

• Jamie : Are you a horse?

  Cliff Lawton : Sorry?

  Jamie : Are you a fucking horse?

  Cliff Lawton : No.

  Jamie : You've got a bit of a horsey face, and a fucking horsey wife. Are you a horse?

  Cliff Lawton : No. I can categorically state...

  Jamie : EXACTLY!

  Cliff Lawton : ...that I'm not a horse!

  Jamie : Exactly! You're no horse. And you are not a stocking horse. And we are going to ram you up Tom's arse SO hard, he has to shit out his lying mouth.

  Cliff Lawton : Very unpleasant image. But, quite motivating.