"Psych" Zero to Murder in Sixty Seconds (TV Episode 2007) - James Roday Rodriguez as Shawn Spencer

Shawn Spencer : I don't know, I just imagined my best work would be more complicated, you know? More intricate, important, and just more... you know, more.

Henry Spencer : As always, you go after something for the flash, for the excitement, and when you finally get it, you're never satisfied. It always needs something more.

Shawn Spencer : That is categorically untrue.

Henry Spencer : Your best case, what does it need? It needs more excitement. Your first bike, what did it need? More reflectors. Well, Shawn, did you ever stop and think that it's your expectations that need to change? Son, look at me. Look, Shawn. Sometimes, a case is just a case.

[Shawn suddenly flashes back]

Shawn Spencer : Wait a second. Wait a second, I just figured it out.

Henry Spencer : Wait, wait, don't... Shawn, don't do this.

Shawn Spencer : Oh, this is so much bigger than we thought. And I was right all along!

Henry Spencer : Shawn, don't you dare! Don't you dare learn a wrong lesson while I'm trying to teach you a right lesson!

[Shawn has another flashback]

Henry Spencer : Shawn, stop it! Stop! Stop! Stop trying to figure it out! Stop jumping!

Shawn Spencer : I can't help it! It all makes sense! Gus, we gotta go! I'll explain on the way.

[runs toward the door]

Henry Spencer : Shawn! Shawn! You should be happy with a job well done, regardless of the excitement that it produces.

Shawn Spencer : Is that it?

Henry Spencer : [deflated] Yeah... that's it.

[Shawn races into the house; Henry sighs and starts to squeeze his right arm]

Burton 'Gus' Guster : Is it a tight knot right under the shoulder blade?

Henry Spencer : Yeah. How'd you know?

Shawn Spencer : [from inside] GUS!

Shawn Spencer : What time are you seeing that blind chick?

Burton 'Gus' Guster : Gloria can't see me.

Shawn Spencer : [scoffs] Dude, I know how being blind works.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : I mean she's booked, Shawn.

Carlton Lassiter : Unlike everyone else around here, I'm not fooled by the fact that you wear grownup clothes, have mastered the rudimentary levels of communication, and somehow manage to feed yourselves. I see you for what you are: children. So do me a favor and let the grownups do their work.

Shawn Spencer : [points to his elbow] I got a boo-boo.

Carlton Lassiter : But I'm warning you, if word of this little incident gets out at the station, I will start making things very difficult for you down there.

Shawn Spencer : You mean you haven't even been trying? All this time?

Wally : I can't believe Johnny G went out like that.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : The police suspect foul play, but so far they have no leads.

Wally : All while I was on lock down? I guess I ended up with a better sentence than Johnny G did.

[points to his head]

Wally : Irony.

Shawn Spencer : We still have a few questions. What do you know about a shipment of custom cars on its way to Arizona?

Wally : We were partners, but Johnny G was involved in a lot of stuff I didn't know about. If I asked questions, he's be like, "None of your..." I'd be like, "Okay." Relegated.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : So you're saying you weren't involved with the custom car shop at all?

Wally : I'm saying I was just the front man for the chop shop. And now I'm doing my time, but when I get out, crime's gonna be like, "Come out and play, Wally. Come on." I'll be like, "No. Wally doesn't live here anymore!" Re-assimilated.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : What are you looking for, anyway?

Shawn Spencer : Anything that points to criminal activity. You know, a white cloth sack with a green dollar sign, a red barrel labeled "TNT," an anvil. Anything.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : [picks up a car rim] Check this out!

Shawn Spencer : Wait, you already have something? The point of those examples was to imply it wouldn't be so obvious.

Carlton Lassiter : I'm gonna get right over there.

Shawn Spencer : Uh-uh. No car, remember?

[they laugh]

Carlton Lassiter : You guys are so funny. Oh, guess what? I just got a new car.

[flashes his badge]

Carlton Lassiter : Yours.

Shawn Spencer : [to Lassiter while in the back of Gus's car] I have to go pee pee.

Shawn Spencer : Gus you've been bragging about that award for over a year. Why go now?

Burton 'Gus' Guster : Maybe I kept pushing it back because I was always working a second job. Like when I had to enter a civil war re-enactment, or when I was protecting a sorority of pajama clad co-eds.

Shawn Spencer : You're actually complaining about that?

Burton 'Gus' Guster : No, I'm not.

Shawn Spencer : Something happened at that restaurant that led to your car being stolen. I'm sensing... red coats... and Accents.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : The British!

Shawn Spencer : No. The valets.

Shawn Spencer : Look, after we figure out what's going on with Johnny G's shop and solve the case, we'll get another check.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : And you wanna know what we're going to do with that?

Shawn Spencer : Party like it's 1999?

Burton 'Gus' Guster : No, we're going to--

Shawn Spencer : Party?

Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shawn...

Shawn Spencer : Karamu?

Burton 'Gus' Guster : No!

Shawn Spencer : Fiesta?

Carlton Lassiter : Alright, just keep your mouths shut, I don't want people to think anything's wrong. Morning, O'Connell. Schwartz. Dobson. Just rapping with the fellas, shooting the breeze.

Shawn Spencer : Sweet, now they'll just think it's 1974.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : A warehouse, sweet! There's always something happening at a warehouse. You staked it out, right? I know you staked it out.

Shawn Spencer : Oh, it got staked... Stook? Staken? Staked? Right? Right. Yeah. Yeah, it got staked.

[about Lassiter's "date"]

Carlton Lassiter : I am not going to engage in some sort of juvenile masculinity contest.

Shawn Spencer : He went by himself.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : Yeah.

Carlton Lassiter : [quickly] Her name was Polly Smith. 324 Sycamore Lane. We kissed. Ask her.

Shawn Spencer : [raises an eyebrow] Polly Smith?

Shawn Spencer : I may have to roll my sleeves up on this one, Gus.

[Shawn sees the beautiful maitre d']

Shawn Spencer : Actually, I may have to take off my entire shirt.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : Please don't.

Burton 'Gus' Guster : I have to get a deep-tissue massage to work out all the knots in my back. I call the big one Little Shawn.

Shawn Spencer : Okay, that's the creepiest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Shawn Spencer : No need to thank me, Chief. Just glad to help out.

Karen Vick : Oh.

[Karen offers her hand to Gus]

Shawn Spencer : Don't thank him, either.

Karen Vick : Well, if I can't thank you, I can't pay you.

[Shawn and Gus quickly extend their hands]

Burton 'Gus' Guster : Our pleasure.

Shawn Spencer : Oh, you're very welcome. You are.

Shawn Spencer : There's still quite a few unanswered questions.

Wally : What can I say? You guys got me fair and square.

Shawn Spencer : That's just it. What kinds of a chop shop artist steals a cop's car and doesn't chop it up? It's almost like you wanted to leave a trail.

Wally : Leave a trail, don't leave a trail, it wouldn't do any good. You guys caught me quick! Snap! Mind of a cheetah! I was like, "What?" Cops were like, "Wham! Miranda!"

Shawn Spencer : [beat] Yeah, were there's still some questions. For instance, why haven't you posted bail, Wally?

Wally : Oh, it's all good. You know, I'm gonna just do my time with good behavior and go on with my life. Til then I'm like, "My bad." And the courts like, "Get in that call." Justice.

Shawn Spencer : Ok, let's try this again.

Chelsea : Well, you're certainly a unique guy, Shawn. A guy who calls the same day he gets the number...and brings flowers.

Shawn Spencer : I stole the flowers from table one. They're fake and they smell vaguely of creamy pesto, but I'm pretty sure it's the thought that counts.

[Shawn tries to give the location of a chop shop]

Shawn Spencer : Victims! I see victims everywhere! It's horrible! So many parts strewn about! Fluids spewing in every direction!

Karen Vick : Oh, dear God!

Juliet O'Hara : Are you talking about a serial killer?

Shawn Spencer : I can see the victims' names. Accord! Look out!

Burton 'Gus' Guster : Get out of there!

Shawn Spencer : Escalade! Don't let him in the door! Oh, Camry! You were too young to go!

Juliet O'Hara : Are we talking about cars?

Carlton Lassiter : STOLEN cars?

Shawn Spencer : Signal's too stong.

[grabs a printer]

Shawn Spencer : I'm getting chopsticks! Chopped salad?