Psych (TV Series)

Bounty Hunters! (2007)

James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer

Quotes 

• Juliet O'Hara : [Shawn leans in very close, inches from Juliet's lips]  Shawn, what are you doing?

  Shawn Spencer : Nothing.

  Juliet O'Hara : Really? Cause if you're doing what it looks like you're doing, it's going to be one of those things we just talked about.

  Shawn Spencer : What's that?

  Juliet O'Hara : A mistake.

  Shawn Spencer : I agree, but that's clearly not what we're doing.

  Juliet O'Hara : Okay, really? What do you say we're doing?

  Shawn Spencer : I call it... very close talking.

• Shawn Spencer : Just because we didn't go to the costume shop and get a bounty hunter's wrist-bracelet-and-accessories kit doesn't mean that we won't be bringing it in a big way.

  Byrd Tatums : Well, go ahead and bring it. Be careful out there, people get hurt. Oh, and by the way...

  [points to his wristband] 

  Byrd Tatums : ...these don't come in "Tiny".

  Shawn Spencer : [scoffs]  We'll just get a women's Large.

• Byrd Tatums : Look, if I play my cards right, this is going to be my last run. I'm going to collect my fifty G's and then I'm quitting the game, I'm retiring.

  [Shawn gasps, ducks behind Gus] 

  Byrd Tatums : What?

  Shawn Spencer : My bad. Usually right when someone's about to retire, they get shot at, yeah?

• Shawn Spencer : [to Carlton]  You know, when you reprimand us, you might try using your *feeling* voice. Otherwise, all we hear is...

  Shawn Spencer , Burton 'Gus' Guster : [sarcastically, in deep voices]  Arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, raa, raa, raa, raa, raa, raa,raa...

• Carlton Lassiter : [to Byrd]  Hand over the satchel.

  Shawn Spencer : Ooh, satchel! I didn't think of that one.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : [after meeting Byrd Tatums]  Wow... I think I hate that guy.

  Shawn Spencer : Yeah, well, that's the way it usually goes when you meet your childhood heroes, Gus. Nothing but heartache and disappointment. Remember how sad you were when you ran into Judge Reinhold at the dry cleaners?

• Shawn Spencer : Is this a briefcase or an attaché?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I think it's a briefcase. Attachés have a softer shell.

  Shawn Spencer : Really? That's all that differentiates them, a softer shell?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Well, "attaché" does have a better ring to it.

  Shawn Spencer : Let's go with attaché.

• Carlton Lassiter : Just so we're clear, just so there's no confusion, let me explain this one more time in terms I know you'll understand.

  [holds first hand at eye level] 

  Carlton Lassiter : Cops are here.

  [drops second hand to waist level] 

  Carlton Lassiter : Bounty hunters are here.

  [holds first hand slightly above second] 

  Carlton Lassiter : Psychics are here

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : We beat bounty hunters!

  Carlton Lassiter : By a knuckle.

  Shawn Spencer : Where are orthodontists on this scale?

  Carlton Lassiter : I'm asking for your help. Don't make me ask twice.

• Juliet O'Hara : Do you know what it's like to have an internal voice that tells you what the right thing to do is all of the time, and you do it, and it works, and you're good at what you do, and then one day it just shuts off, and in that moment there is no voice, and you just have to listen to yourself, and in an instant, in a millisecond, you make a tiny but crucial mistake and screw up so badly, it affects your whole life?

  Shawn Spencer : No, I do not... but Gus here might.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : Now I'm going to head home, take a long nap, and wait for the bruises to show up on my wrist.

  Shawn Spencer : That actually sounds pretty good. I'll come along. It's been a long time since we've napped together.

• Shawn Spencer : Dude! We're, like, the best bounty hunters ever! The criminals come straight into our car... already cuffed!

• Shawn Spencer : [on the phone with Juliet]  Admit it, you're a little turned on by the whole bounty hunter thing, aren't you? Come on, Shawn Spencer, Bounty Hunter. I mean, I know the psychic thing is sexy, I mean, that's a given, it's a sexy thing, but... Shawn Spencer, Bounty Hunter. It's hot.

• Shawn Spencer : Somebody forgot to drink their courageous juice this morning!

• Shawn Spencer : What is everybody's deal? Like, what-what is going on here? Is it because I'm not wearing the vest? Is that what it is?

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : You didn't tie up the boat?

  Shawn Spencer : Me? The last guy off the boat ties it up, everyone knows that.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : You asked for the rope! Why would you ask for the rope if you didn't intend on tying it up, Shawn?

  Shawn Spencer : What are you, the ambassador of rope etiquette?

• Shawn Spencer : [Shawn is asked to clear Tancana's name]  I'll do it... one condition.

  Dwayne Tancana : What?

  Shawn Spencer : [points to a biker]  I need that guy's vest.

• Shawn Spencer : Well, I guess you have to go home and... feed your parrot.

  Juliet O'Hara : Shawn, I don't have a parrot.

• Shawn Spencer : Okay, Lassie, the answer is an enthusiastic and sprightly "Yes!" You've got yourself a couple of bounty hunters.