- [Blair wakes up and slaps Chuck's arm]
- Chuck Bass: Ow!
- Blair Waldorf: Who, what, where, when, why?
- Chuck Bass: We were up late plotting against Georgina, we must have dozed off.
- Blair Waldorf: And you were on the floor.
- Chuck Bass: I didn't want to hurt my back.
- Blair Waldorf: Why? It's not like you do anything athletic.
- Chuck Bass: Well, that's not entirely true, now is it?
- Blair Waldorf: Fine, nothing that requires you removing your scarf.
- Chuck Bass: It was one time, it was chilly.
- Blair Waldorf: Enough about the past, before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea.
- Chuck Bass: Well, I trust you can take it from here, I have a best man's speech to write and no time to write it.
- Blair Waldorf: Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for both of us.
- Chuck Bass: I still have the scars on my back to prove it.
- [Blair starts pushing him out the door]
- Chuck Bass: You know, they say that if you love something, you should set it free.
- Blair Waldorf: Uh! They say if you hate something you should slam the door in its face.
- Chuck Bass: [as door gets slammed in his face] I love it when you talk dirty, Blair.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, babe, what's it gonna take for you to relax?
- Blair Waldorf: Chuck.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, God! My ears are bleeding! Make it stop!
- Blair Waldorf: What can I say? He brings out the worst in me. And weirdly, I bring out the best in him.
- Chuck Bass: [Chuck about to give his best man speech] My father is someone who goes after what he wants and Lily van der Wooden was no exception. A typical Bass man fashion, his pursuit was direct and at times, not exactly subtle. One thing I've learned through my father's courtship of Lily is the importance of perseverance, that in the face of true love you don't just give up - even if the object of your affection is begging you to. And one thing I've learned from Lily, is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance and in kind I've watched them become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day I hope I'll be lucky enough to find someone who'll do the same for me. To the happy couple!
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Leave it to Blair Waldorf to know bitches don't just happen; they're made.
- Amelia: What's this?
- Chuck Bass: I was hoping we could discuss what you have planned for my room.
- Amelia: And who are you?
- Chuck Bass: I'm Chuck Bass.
- Rufus Humphrey: And here we go. Are you sure about this?
- Lily van der Woodsen: Ask me again and I'll change my mind.
- Rufus Humphrey: I love you, Lily.
- Lily van der Woodsen: I love you too, Rufus.
- Lily van der Woodsen: Rufus, what are you doing here? I thought we had security.
- Rufus Humphrey: You want them to throw me out?
- Lily van der Woodsen: Well, I'd like the option considering how much I'm paying them.
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: Here he is, the best man, ready to do his dad proud.
- Chuck Bass: Captain, good to see you. Nate.
- [Nate, still angry, just looks at him and doesn't say anything]
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: Wow, clearly I missed something while I was away. A little advice, fellas, you've been friends a long time, whoever she is, she's not worth it.
- Chuck Bass: Couldn't agree more.
- Nate Archibald: That's the problem.
- Chuck Bass: I need to talk to you, your father's leaving.
- Nate Archibald: He just stepped out to call my mom.
- Vanessa Abrams: Everything okay?
- Chuck Bass: No.
- Nate Archibald: Yes.
- Chuck Bass: He just asked to have his car brought around.
- Nate Archibald: He probably left his phone in it.
- Chuck Bass: Look before the ceremony I saw him with a guy doing a deal, it looked like drugs.
- Nate Archibald: My father is clean Chuck and what are you spying on him?
- Chuck Bass: Look, I know you hate me. I was in love with Blair and I'm sorry, we do not have time to argue about this.
- Blair Waldorf: Best man speech going that well?
- Chuck Bass: There won't be a dry eye in the house, trust me. How did things go with Whore-gina?
- Blair Waldorf: Not a dry eye there either.
- Chuck Bass: Didn't know I wasn't missed?
- Blair Waldorf: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand it was nice to see him get his dirty for once. I'm not sure how much fun he had though, no one ever enjoys their first time.
- [Blair fixes Chuck's bowtie]
- Chuck Bass: Except you. Save me a dance?
- Blair Waldorf: [Blair grabs Chuck, irritated by what he said] Now that Georgina's done, so are you and I, she was the last thing we had in common.
- [Blair kicks Chuck on the shin, making him grunt]
- Blair Waldorf: Ha, break a leg.
- Chuck Bass: I think I just did.
- Blair Waldorf: [to Georgina, whose parents are now on to her] Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here. Have fun at reform school.
- Serena van der Woodsen: When I told my mom not to go away with Rufus, it was cause I said you and I are forever... and I know I'm right.
- Serena van der Woodsen: So that's it then? "Have a good summer, I'll see you back at school"?
- Dan Humphrey: I guess.
- Chuck Bass: It wasn't what I wrote. I was inspired in the moment. Look, I know I said some horrible things. Even for me.
- Blair Waldorf: You mean, blogging to Gossip Girl about our sex life, and comparing me to your dad's sweaty old horse?
- Blair Waldorf: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand. It was nice to see him get his hands dirty for once. Not sure how much fun he had, though. No one enjoys their first time.
- Chuck Bass: So are you planning to spend the summer sweating it out in Brooklyn?
- Nate Archibald: Ah, I think my time across the bridge is over.
- Chuck Bass: Nathaniel. What happened with you and Punky Brewster?
- Dan Humphrey: So what happened with you and Man Bangs?
- [his hand imitates Nate's pretty-boy hairstyle]
- Rufus Humphrey: Do you want me to call off this wedding? And if you so much as nod yes, I will go out there and I will tell your fiancé and your guests they have go home.
- Rufus Humphrey: It's Bart.
- Lily van der Woodsen: That's what I was afraid of.
- Rufus Humphrey: Do you want me to answer it?
- Lily van der Woodsen: Do you want me to kill you?
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Dearly beloved we are gathered here today in the face of this company to watch this man and this woman totally eff things up.
- Nate Archibald: [Nate is trying to stop his dad in the limo] Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop! Dad, what the hell are you doing?
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: I left you a note at home.
- Nate Archibald: Yeah? What's it say?
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: It says I'm sorry.
- Nate Archibald: For what? I mean, dad, if you've relapsed, it's okay. We'll get you help. Chuck saw you earlier.
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: I wasn't buying drugs.
- [he shows Nate his passport]
- Nate Archibald: Passport? Your skipping town?
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: I'm gonna be a much better father to you from the Dominican Republic than from jail.
- Nate Archibald: No, dad. I know your scared, but we'll get through the trial.
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: No, we won't! I'm guilty, Nate. I'm facing 25 years.
- Nate Archibald: So, all this stuff about things looking good and working out, huh? What about mom?
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: Who do you think's paying for the private plane?
- Nate Archibald: Why didn't you tell me any of this?
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: 'Cause I didn't want you to know anything and be an accessory! This is the best thing for everyone. I need you to step up right now and be the man of the family for your mother.
- Nate Archibald: It's been that for a while now!
- [Nate starts to walk off and his dad grabs him by his shoulder]
- Howie 'The Captain' Archibald: Nate!
- Nate Archibald: [Nate punches his dad in the face] That's for mom!
- Nate Archibald: So, thank you.
- Chuck Bass: It's your dad, it's bigger than, all the other stuff.
- Nate Archibald: Look I'm sorry, for all of it.
- Chuck Bass: So am I.
- Nate Archibald: So you said you loved her? That's um... well never heard you say that before, about anyone.
- Chuck Bass: You ready to go back in?
- Nate Archibald: I don't think I'm goin' back in.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hey.
- Blair Waldorf: Hey. How go the prenuptials?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well my mom's done this enough times you'd think she be a pro by now but I dunno, her heart doesn't really seem in it.
- Blair Waldorf: You think this will be us in 20 years? On to our fourth husbands?
- Serena van der Woodsen: A girl can dream.
- [the girls laugh]
- Blair Waldorf: Speaking of true love, Dan isn't here?
- Serena van der Woodsen: He's coming.
- Blair Waldorf: So all is forgiven?
- Serena van der Woodsen: I'm workin on it.
- Blair Waldorf: What do you have to work on? He's the one who has to forgive you.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah - yeah that's what I'm workin on.
- Blair Waldorf: Looks like Nate isn't a fan of the fish, or his date.
- Vanessa Abrams: Blair, I'm with Nate and you're at the singles table, deal with it.
- Blair Waldorf: I just feel sorry for you is all. Dating an Archibald is a tortured process. The endless supply of family drama, the fact that he never really got over Serena. Though falling for someone in love with Serena, you already knows how that feels don't you?
- Blair Waldorf: You gonna be okay? Alone all summer without your best friend who always gets you out of trouble?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah, I'm looking forward to staying out of trouble for awhile.
- Blair Waldorf: Have you talked to Dan?
- Serena van der Woodsen: No, not since the wedding. It's for the best, for him and for me. I'm fine.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hey!
- Nate Archibald: Hey!
- Serena van der Woodsen: I was just seeing off Blair.
- Nate Archibald: I was just on the phone with Chuck.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair and Chuck, now there's a couple you can root for.
- Nate Archibald: Yeah, well if they're happy guess I'm happy.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, come on Nate when have you ever been happy?
- Nate Archibald: Wow the gloves are off today aren't they?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well I am feeling frisky, you know how I get in the summer.
- Nate Archibald: Yeah I do.
- [they laugh]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well you won't have to witness any of it. I'm locking myself away in the Hamptons house, well it is a summer to reflect alone.
- Nate Archibald: I could not agree more. I just need to take a break away from everything and everyone.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [they both start to walk off but Serena turns back around to get Nate's attention] Hey! If you wanna reflect alone together, I'll be around.
- Nate Archibald: What are you up to now?
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Bitches don't just happen, they're made. By parents more wicked than their offspring.
- [last lines]
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] They say a leopard can't change his spots, but some things do change. The path not taken can become a road trip. Being grounded can lead to something groundbreaking. And whether they're sweating it out on the sultry sidewalks... or cooling their heels in the Hamptons, no one does summer like New Yorkers. Grab your shades and your sunblock. This one looks like a scorcher. Until then, you know you love me, XOXO... Gossip Girl.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [on dance-floor for photographer's benefit] He's gone. You can let go now.
- Dan Humphrey: I know. I don't want to.