The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization (2008)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
-
Leonard Hofstadter : We have to do this.
Sheldon Cooper : No, we have to take in nourishment, expel waste and breathe in enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying. Everything else is purely optional.
-
[after Leonard and Sheldon's brawl]
Howard Wolowitz : You won't believe it.
Raj Koothrappali : Someone got the whole thing on their cell phone and put it on YouTube.
Leonard Hofstadter : What?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, who would do that?
Howard Wolowitz : That would be me.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : What is this letter doing in the trash?
Sheldon Cooper : Well, it may be that a trashcan spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor suggests that someone threw it away.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : You can not blow up my head with your mind.
Sheldon Cooper : Then I'll settle for an aneurysm.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Was the apple falling on Newton's head, was that just an anecdote?
Leonard Hofstadter : You are not Isaac Newton.
Sheldon Cooper : No, no, that's true. Gravity would have been apparent to me without the apple.
Leonard Hofstadter : You cannot possibly be that arrogant.
Sheldon Cooper : You continue to underestimate me, my good man.
-
Sheldon Cooper : You know, in the future, when we're disembodied brains in jars, we're going to look back on this as eight hours well wasted.
Raj Koothrappali : I don't want to be in a jar. I want my brain in an android body... eight feet tall and ripped.
Howard Wolowitz : I'm with you. I just have to make sure if I'm a synthetic human, I'd still be Jewish. I promised my mother.
Raj Koothrappali : I suppose you could have your android penis circumcised... but that's something your rabbi will have to discuss with the manufacturer.
Sheldon Cooper : Not to mention, you'd have to power down on Saturdays.
-
Penny : [At their mailboxes] . Get anything good?
Sheldon Cooper : Uh, just the latest copy of Applied Particle Physics Quarterly.
Penny : Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't.
[Sheldon looks confused]
Penny : It was a joke.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : You know what? I am tired of your condescension. Maybe I didn't go to college when I was eleven, like you. Maybe I got my doctorate when I was twenty-four instead of sixteen. But you are not the only person who is smarter than everybody else in this room!
[Sheldon nods pointedly at the audience]
Leonard Hofstadter : No offense. And I am clearly not the only person who is tormented by insecurity and has an ego in need of constant validation.
Sheldon Cooper : So you admit you're an egotist?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yes!
[turning to the audience]
Leonard Hofstadter : My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter and I could never please my parents, so I need to get all of my self-esteem from strangers like you. But *he's worse*!
-
Sheldon Cooper : I'm the lead author.
Leonard Hofstadter : Come on, the only reason you're the lead author is because we went alphabetically.
Sheldon Cooper : I let you think we went alphabetically to spare you the humiliation with dealing with the fact that it was my idea. Now to put too fine a point to it, but I was throwing you a bone. You're welcome.
Leonard Hofstadter : Excuse me, I designed the experiment that proved the hypothesis.
Sheldon Cooper : It doesn't need proving.
Leonard Hofstadter : So the entire scientific community is just supposed to take your word?
Sheldon Cooper : They're not supposed to, but they should.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : See?
Penny : No.
Sheldon Cooper : Someone in Sichuan province, China, is using his computer to turn our lights on and off.
Penny : Oh, that's handy. Here's a question... Why?
Boys together : Because we can.
-
Sheldon Cooper : I wonder if I've been experiencing physiological manifestations of some sort of unconscious emotional turmoil.
Penny : Wait, what?
Sheldon Cooper : I couldn't poop this morning.
-
Leonard Hofstadter : Are there any questions?
Sheldon Cooper : Yeah. What the hell was that?
