Quotes
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [looking at the breakfast take out that McGee brought back] I said scrambled. You haven't gotten a single order right in 4 days.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : They're eggs. Eat 'em.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Well, I don't like sunny side up. Sunny side up oozes. They look like eyes. They're looking at ya. I bet your burrito is just the way you like it.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : You want your eggs scrambled?
[takes container and shakes it]
Special Agent Timothy McGee : They're scrambled.
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Special Agent Timothy McGee : [talking over earwigs] I'm a sworn federal agent, Tony. I can't just stand by and watch a felony go down.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : That's a good idea, blow our stake out over a $50 crack deal. If Gibbs doesn't slap you silly, I will.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Oh, you're gonna slap me?
Goldilocks : If that's what you want, honey.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Go for it, McFreaky. Goldilocks is just your type.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Bite me.
Goldilocks : That'll be extra.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : [realizing he has ink around his eyes from the binoculars] You're a dead man, McGee.
Special Agent Timothy McGee : Don't look at me, Raccoon Boy. It was Ziva.
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Det. Andrea Sparr : You're here because I didn't return your call.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Well that would have been nice, yeah.
Det. Andrea Sparr : Well, when I'm in the middle of an investigation, I don't return social calls.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : What makes you think it was a social call?
Det. Andrea Sparr : The way you stared at my ass the other day.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : How do you know my interest in your ass wasn't purely professional?
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Officer Ziva David : [after realizing that the radar has been stolen] I would not want to be Gibbs right now.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : I would not want to be McGee anytime.
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[Jardine comes down the stairs wearing a surgical mask]
Det. Andrea Sparr : Um...
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Yeah, don't ask.
NCIS Intel Analyst Nikki Jardine : [off Gibbs's look] Four people in my department have come down with the flu.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : [pulls her mask off] Well, you're in my department now.
NCIS Intel Analyst Nikki Jardine : Yes, sir.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : What do you got?
NCIS Intel Analyst Nikki Jardine : Just a tickle at the back of my throat...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : No, what do you *got*?
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : I have a gut feeling about this.
Det. Andrea Sparr : Why?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Why do I have a gut feeling?
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Goldilocks : [after calling in a tip] There's a reward, right?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Yes.
[pointing to McGee]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : You get him.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : This is crazy! I'm taking pictures of an empty room.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : You got it?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard : At great personal expense, I'm afraid. I agreed to be Tom Hubbard's Bridge partner at a tournament next month. A weekend in hell.
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Det. Andrea Sparr : So our cases have crossed. Means you can tell me why NCIS was staking out the neighborhood.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : Classified Navy equipment was hijacked. Got an anonymous tip it was in a storage building next to the alley where Rowe was killed.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Just learned Rowe was the tipster.
Det. Andrea Sparr : Still conducting the stakeout?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : No. No, the equipment was stolen. Again.
Det. Andrea Sparr : Messy.
Officer Ziva David : [holding out her hand to Sparr] Ziva David.
[Sparr glances at Ziva, then turns back to Gibbs]
Det. Andrea Sparr : You dragged me up here to pull the national security, need-to-know card? That Rowe's murder is no longer a Metro case?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs : No, we investigate the murder together. The theft stays classified.
Det. Andrea Sparr : Do I have a choice?
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Come on, McGee. I'm starvin' like Lee Marvin.
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[Tony starts reading Scott Rowe's autopsy report]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard : You want the highlights?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Yes, please.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard : Cause of death, blunt force trauma. He was not a healthy man. Mr. Rowe had quadruple bypass surgery before his fortieth birthday.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Was he an addict?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard : Oh, most definitely. He appears to have been addicted to fatty red meats, fried foods, and eggs. His cholesterol was 388.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Drugs?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard : No, not even an aspirin, which he should have been taking on a daily regimen for his condition.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Thanks, Ducky, I owe you.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard : And one day, dear boy, I shall collect.
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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : What's happened?
Officer Ziva David : Goldilocks and Papa Bear found a bed that is "just right." Personally I think she could do better.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : Huh?
Officer Ziva David : The jack she is with is gross.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo : You mean "john."
Officer Ziva David : You know him?