- Kiefer Sutherland: [answers phone] Hello?
- Davis Quinton: We have a problem. We need to set up a perimeter.
- Kiefer Sutherland: Who is this?
- Davis Quinton: Isn't this the coach of the baseball team?
- Kiefer Sutherland: No, you have the wrong number. This is Shirley Douglas' residence.
- Davis Quinton: Really?
- Kiefer Sutherland: [slightly impatient] Yes, I should know, she's my mother.
- Davis Quinton: [mocking] Your mother? You still live with your mother? How old are ya?
- Kiefer Sutherland: I'm hanging up now.
- Shirley Douglas: [offscreen] Kiefer, who was that?
- Kiefer Sutherland: [very angry] Dammit, Mom, I told you to knock before you come in!
- Lacey Burrows: Wow. That is a great-looking cake.
- Emma Leroy: Chocolate double chocolate with chocolate icing. I've been serving it to Brent for 39 years.
- Lacey Burrows: You fed Brent cake when he was one?
- Emma Leroy: Well, that's how we got him to walk.
- Davis Quinton: No permit, no fireworks. Now, if you can gently carry them and very carefully place them in the trunk of the police car while I stand way over here, that'd be great.
- [Oscar is drying his fireworks out in the Ruby's oven]
- Emma Leroy: Something smells weird.
- Lacey Burrows: What are you doing?
- Oscar Leroy: I'm baking fireworks!
- Lacey Burrows: Do you want to saute some gasoline while you're at it? Get them out of there!
- [Wanda, Davis, and Oscar test out some fireworks while Karen tries to get people to sign Brent's birthday card. The card has a picture of a frog and says "hoppy birthday"]
- Davis Quinton: Oh, you gotta try this. It's called a "Screaming Tree Frog."
- Karen Pelly: Speaking of frogs, check out this card!
- Oscar Leroy: Happy is spelled wrong!
- Karen Pelly: It's a joke.
- Davis Quinton: Oh, I get it! Frogs can't spell.
- Davis Quinton: Oscar, check this out! I'm gonna light a firework with another firework!
- Wanda Dollard: Will you quit that! You're gonna blow us all up.
- Davis Quinton: [teasing] Wanda is a-scared! Wanda is a-scared!
- Oscar Leroy: [deaf from the explosions] Walter has a beard! Walter has a beard!
- Brent Leroy: Look, I'm sorry for getting you out of bed Wes, but this is an emergency.
- Hank Yarbo: I thought you died or moved to Winnipeg or something.
- Wes Humboldt: No, I've always been here. You guys just didn't seem too interested in calling me.
- Brent Leroy: 40 year old bottle of Scotch, Wes. Or I stop calling again.
- Wes Humboldt: Here, I had this on special order for Doc Russell. But, under the circumstances...
- Hank Yarbo: We'll take it.
- Wes Humboldt: That'll be $450.
- Brent Leroy: We won't take it.
- Hank Yarbo: Ring it up. I got it.
- Wes Humboldt: [laughs] How are you going to pay for it?
- Hank Yarbo: [handing Wes a key] Take my truck.
- Wes Humboldt: Okay. And where is the other $400 going to come from?
- Brent Leroy: Keep your truck, I'll get it.
- Hank Yarbo: [relieved] Whew, geez, took long enough to step in there.
- Hank Yarbo: To Brent!
- [everyone toasts Brent, then takes a sip of the aged scotch. Everyone but Brent immediately spits out the scotch in disgust]
- Hank Yarbo: That's kinda nasty.
- Lacey Burrows: It tastes like old wood!
- Wanda Dollard: I'll get some root beer for mix.
- [Brent is looking for his 20 year aged scotch, which he had been saving for his 40th birthday]
- Brent Leroy: Mom, have you seen a bottle of Scotch in the basement?
- Emma Leroy: Oh, that. I threw it out, it was over 20 years old.
- Brent Leroy: It was supposed to be old!
- Emma Leroy: It was bad. I tried it, it tasted like old wood.
- Brent Leroy: It's supposed to taste like old wood!