Late Night with Conan O'Brien (TV Series)

Seth Meyers/Sophia Bush/Tokio Hotel (2008)

Jordan Schlansky: Self

Quotes 

• Conan O'Brien : Someone once told me that good olive oil, you can, uh, should taste like the Tuscan Sun. That make sense to you?

  Jordan Schlansky : If it's Tuscan olive oil.

  Conan O'Brien : Yeah, that's what I mean. That you can taste the sunshine.

  Jordan Schlansky : Of course. You can taste the sunshine, you can taste the water.

  Conan O'Brien : Don't just say "Of course". You can say, like, "Oh yeah, that's interesting." When you say "Of course", it makes me, it feels like a putdown, like, "Oh, right, idiot." Do you know what I mean?

  Jordan Schlansky : Right.

  Conan O'Brien : So you can just say, "Oh yes, yes, that's a good point, Conan. Yes, yes, I've heard the same."

  Jordan Schlansky : Just understand that these are artisanal works. These wine, this olive oil...

  Conan O'Brien : Just...

  Jordan Schlansky : ...Are the product of a number of factors. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

  Conan O'Brien : [holding a butter knife]  Do me a favor. Stab me in the head. Stab me in the freakin' head. Just... right here, and just drive it through.

• Jordan Schlansky : [in the kitchen]  The beauty of the colors, the beauty of what's going on in that pan right now, the bubbling of the sauce, the excitement, the energy, look how the sauce is reducing. You can see the steam rising off. Incredibly sensual experience.

  Conan O'Brien : [to chef]  Would you like me to call the police?

  [to camera] 

  Conan O'Brien : He's all excited about the color of a tomato. How many tomatoes have you seen in your life? They all look the same.

  Jordan Schlansky : That's not true.

  Conan O'Brien : Chill out.

• Jordan Schlansky : This tortino is the best I've ever had.

  Conan O'Brien : What? What are you talkin' about. It's chocolate cake. It's good.

  Jordan Schlansky : The moistness of the cake. I'm in Heaven right now.

  Conan O'Brien : Yes. I wish you were.

  [chuckles] 

  Jordan Schlansky : Listen to me. Just do me one favor. Savor what you're about to put in your mouth. Feel the combination of textures between the gelato and the tortino. Feel the combination of temperatures between the hot and the cold. Savor...

  Conan O'Brien : You have got...

  Jordan Schlansky : ...Savor it in your mouth.

  Conan O'Brien : You have GOT to shut the fuck up. You're killing me. You're killing my mind, you're killing my spirit. I like you, you're a nice guy. Eat the mush, shut the pie hole.