Holmes & Watson (2018)

John C. Reilly: Dr. Watson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Grace Hart : Shall we begin the autopsy? Dr. Grace Hart.

  Watson : A woman doctor?

  Holmes : Impossible. Fortunately we have a *real* doctor here.

  Watson : Would you like some heroin?

• Watson : I am sorry... You are saying Grace is the killer?

  Holmes : Of course she is not the killer, she is an American! She should've used a gun!

• Watson : [referring to Holmes being sick at morgue]  Are you sure you wouldn't rather wait here because last time

  [gestures vomiting and diarrhea] 

  Holmes : I told you, that was merely a bout of stomach influenza

  Watson : Yes, but the time before that?

  Holmes : Bad clams.

  Watson : And before that?

  Holmes : I shook hands with a prostitute.

• Watson : What a perfect day for a picnic at London's greatest spectacle, the Anglo-American Exhibition, a celebration of that special relationship between our nation and yours.

  Dr. Grace Hart : Yes, such a special relationship between these two nations. Although, I could never live in a country with an unelected ruler, like the Queen.

  Watson : [scoffs]  Whyever not?

  Dr. Grace Hart : In America we have democracy. Our president is a person our people have all chosen, an assurance that only the finest and most qualified man will lead, not a wealthy tyrant who cares for nothing but himself.

  Watson : But you have the electoral college, which surely would prevent some trumped-up charlatan from gaining power.

  Dr. Grace Hart : Not always, unfortunately.

  Holmes : It would be great to have a strong businessman.

  Watson : But a showman as well. I love a good show.

  Holmes : America. We gave you your freedom and now look what you've done with it.

• Holmes : [applying physics and geometry to killing the mosquito]  Angle of approach. Compensate for warp in floor. Count for resistance due to dust motes. Probable outcome, termination of mosquito. Integrity of bee habitat maintained. Deadly bee swarm averted.

  [Holmes swats the mosquito in one hit with the oar, killing it] 

  Watson : The mosquito's vanquished.

  Holmes : It's a simple matter of geometry, entomology and physics.

  Holmes : [the glass creaks and shatters, releasing the killer bee colony]  Oh, my God!

• Watson : [holding the camera by its tripod]  Your Majesty, do you think I could have a picture of us together?

  Queen Victoria : But who is going to take the photograph?

  Watson : Oh, no, I'll take the photograph. You see, it's a type of a self-photograph. I can take it, and I will be in it also.

  Holmes : You know what? I find, to take the most attractive photographs, you need to purse your lips together like a duck-billed platypus.

  Watson : Platypus face. Chins up.

  [pursing lips with Watson] 

  Watson : Hey.

  Holmes : Hey. Hey, girl. You know, maybe over by the window. The lighting's much better there.

  Watson : Yes, yes, capital idea.

  [swinging the camera into the Queen's face, knocking her out] 

  Watson : Oh, God.