- Tom Scavo: So what do you gals do when you get together?
- Gabrielle Solis: Mostly gossip. You got any good gossip?
- Tom Scavo: ...Oh I heard Ed Simmons got a new Harley!
- Gabrielle Solis: ...You know I should get back...
- Tom Scavo: Come on give me a break. I'm still new at this.
- Gabrielle Solis: Ok. We'll start with something a little easier. Bitching.
- Tom Scavo: I can handle that! Bitch away!
- Gabrielle Solis: Well, I am so pissed at Carlos, he is never home. And when he is, he's to tired to do anything. And by anything I mean sex.
- [Tom stares at her]
- Gabrielle Solis: Are you uncomfortable?
- Tom Scavo: A little... go on.
- Gabrielle Solis: Well we've never had a drought like this it's been almost two weeks.
- Tom Scavo: Two weeks? That's a drought for you?
- Gabrielle Solis: Yeah. Lately Carlos just doesn't want to do it
- Tom Scavo: Err! Wrong! Guys always wanna do it.
- Gabrielle Solis: Really?
- Tom Scavo: Yeah!
- Gabrielle Solis: Even if you're tired and get home late?
- Tom Scavo: Even if we're exhausted and late and been shot in the leg... twice! We still want to. So you've just gotta get past the tired adult to find the horny teenage boy inside.
- Gabrielle Solis: Huh. It's good to know... You're good at this girl talk thing!
- Tom Scavo: Well thanks! So um, does Lynette ever talk about me and sex?
- Gabrielle Solis: ...Yeah, I should get back...
- Karl Mayer: You called me down here for this? It's a kid playing with a soccer ball.
- Susan Mayer: It's a head and he's stabbing someone with a sword.
- Karl Mayer: Well maybe it was in self defence!
- Principal Hobson: Mr Mayer, generally when kids exhibit this type of behaviour, there's a problem
- [phone rings]
- Principal Hobson: excuse me.
- [looks at phone]
- Principal Hobson: I have to take this, sorry.
- [walks out of the room talking on the phone]
- Karl Mayer: Thanks for ratting out my kid on his first day!
- Susan Mayer: It's not my fault. I showed this to the school pyschologist, she gave it to the Principal. My hands are tied!
- Karl Mayer: So right away it's Evan's fault? Did you ever consider that he didn't understand the assignment?
- Susan Mayer: I told the class to draw what made them happy! All the other kids drew kittens and rainbows! Your son drew small intestines on the end of a stick!
- Karl Mayer: Let's cut to what this is really about. You hate me! And you don't want my son in your class!
- Susan Mayer: That is not true!
- Karl Mayer: It is to! You're still punishing me for what happened between us! you're still stuck in the past blaming me for your screwed up life!
- Susan Mayer: Ok well someone call Guineus because you just set the world record for the biggest load of crap in one sentence!
- Karl Mayer: Oh bite me!
- Principal Hobson: [walks back in the room] How long was I gone?
- [stares from Karl to Susan]
- Susan Mayer: Uh this is nothing Mr Hobson. We're just having a difference of opinion.
- Karl Mayer: Yeah. And my opinion is your teacher doesn't understand the difference between emotional problems and creativity!
- Susan Mayer: Shut up Karl!
- Principal Hobson: [to Susan] Excuse me. Did you just tell him to 'shut up'?
- Karl Mayer: You know this is typical
- [gestures with hand]
- Karl Mayer: "Susan" behaviour and you wonder why no man can stay with you!
- Susan Mayer: [throws paint in Karl's face as Principal Hobson looks on shocked]
- [to Principal Hobson]
- Susan Mayer: Would this seem any less shocking if I told you we were once married for twelve years?
- Susan Mayer: Karl. What are you doing here?
- Karl Mayer: Well I just enrolled Evan.
- Susan Mayer: Wow. and I was worried that we'd be out of each others lives forever... lucky lucky.
- Karl Mayer: What are you doing here?
- Susan Mayer: I am an art teacher.
- Karl Mayer: Really? Do they know that?
- Susan Mayer: And now I'm ignoring you and moving on to Evan. Hello Evan.
- Karl Mayer: Evan, this is Susan. She's your sister Julie's mother, we used to be married. She was a lot younger then.
- Susan Mayer: Evan, why don't you head into the classroom? I need to talk to your daddy and I may need to use some grown up words.
- Karl Mayer: Ok Susie Q, what's wrong? Get it off that chest you wouldn't let me enhance.
- Susan Mayer: Listen it's bad enough that I have one husband running around the halls. I don't need the faculty and the parents knowing that I have two. So not a word about us having been married. No more wise cracks. No Susie Q's. I am Miss Susan. Art teacher.
- [starts to walk off into the classroom]
- Karl Mayer: Yes Miss Susan. Can I bang your erasers after class?
- Susan Mayer: [steps out of the classroom and glares at Karl] Karl I'm serious don't mess with me. I have a yard stick and I'm not afraid to use it.
- Juanita Solis: We're bored...
- Lynette Scavo: Hey I got you sodas didn't I and I let you feed the paper shredder.
- Juanita Solis: Don't you have any toys?
- Lynette Scavo: No. Got a hole puncher! Sorry that's the best I could do. Come on.
- Juanita Solis: [Juanita and Cecilia see Lucy's figurines] What about those glass things? They're pretty can we hold one?
- Lynette Scavo: Oh sweety those aren't to play with. Not unless you want to see someone go completely bonkers... Actually, they do look like a lot of fun. If only I had the power to stop you.
- Carlos Solis: [Carlos and Gabby walk down the corridor to hear Lucy yelling. Carlos to Lynette] What's with the yelling?
- Lynette Scavo: I don't know I'm just as worried as you are...