Easy A (2010)

Dan Byrd: Brandon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Brandon : Is there an Olive here?

  Rosemary : There's a whole jar of them in the fridge!

• Brandon : So what's with your new look? It's very whore couture.

  Olive Penderghast : Oh, haven't you heard? I'm the new school slut.

  Brandon : You know, I did hear something. I also heard he was twice your age.

  Olive Penderghast : Oh, no no no no. He was a freshman in college.

  Brandon : I also heard he gave you crabs.

  Olive Penderghast : Ew! People suck!

  Brandon : Tell me about it.

• Brandon : Just one good, imaginary boink!

  Olive Penderghast : You are on crack! And not the good kind.

  Brandon : It doesn't have to be a boink. It could be anything - it could be an imaginary butter-bean, lemon squeeze, cowbell...

  Olive Penderghast : I don't know what any of that means.

  Brandon : Well, that's because you're a virgin.

• Brandon : [after having pretend-sex with Olive]  Well, let's just say I'll be walking funny tomorrow. I'm drunk! What's up, bitches?

• Brandon : You don't understand how hard it is, all right? Hmm? I'm tormented everyday at school. It's like I'm being suffocated, and sure we can sit and fantasize all we want about how things are going to be different one day, but this is today and it sucks... So please just help me. I can't take another day of this, I don't know what I'll do.

• Olive Penderghast : [V.O]  So the next day I had detention. Which, thanks to recent budget cuts meant *cleaning*. I was looking forward to putting all this behind me - I had done the crime, I was going to do the time. And that would be that

  Brandon : Aren't there, like, child labor laws against this?

  Olive Penderghast : Not in high school. The principal is like a captain of a ship in international waters. He can even marry people!

  [Brandon nods] 

  Olive Penderghast : We haven't talked in a while - how've you been, Brandon?

  Brandon : [sarcastic]  Fabulous! Crushing it! Everything according to plan.

  [yelling] 

  Brandon : I wanna be in detention!

  Olive Penderghast : Ya, why are you here? Judging from the amount of blood I saw gushing from your nose I thought you were the bull-*ied*

  Brandon : You'd think, but Principal Gibbons is a homophobe, which is why I called him a fascist.

  Olive Penderghast : So the rumors are true.

  Brandon : [defensive]  I don't know what you're talking about.

  Olive Penderghast : I meant about Gibbons' being a fascist.

  [smiles] 

• Olive Penderghast : [after pretending to have sex with Brandon]  Go forth, my son, you're a man now.

  Brandon : Thank you!

  [Olive smiles] 

  Brandon : Seriously, thanks!

• Brandon : [while pretending to have sex with Olive and she's hitting him with a book]  You don't have to be so aggressive about it.

  Olive Penderghast : What, you don't like that?

  [yells so the eavesdroppers outside the door will hear] 

  Olive Penderghast : You don't like that!

  Brandon : [whispers to Olive]  NO, I don't like that!

• Brandon : Do you wanna go out with me?

  Olive Penderghast : What?

  Brandon : Well, I mean, like, do you wanna be my girlfriend?

  Olive Penderghast : Brandon, just a couple hours ago, you told me you were Kinsey 6 gay.

  Brandon : True, but you said I should pretend to be straight, so...

  Olive Penderghast : Yeah, but I didn't mean with ME. I mean, you're a nice guy and all, but you're not really my type.

  Brandon : Yeah, you're not really my type, either.

  Olive Penderghast : Yeah, I know that. I got that "V" where you'd rather see a "P".

  Brandon : Do you wanna have sex with me or not?

  Olive Penderghast : Oh my god, dude. You completely missed the point.

• Brandon : [while Brandon and Olive are pretending to have sex in Melody Bostic's bedroom; he yells]  I'm gonna turn you around, and take you from the back!

  Olive Penderghast : Dude, that's not gonna make people think you're straight.