Family Guy (TV Series)

Road to Germany (2008)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Steve Buscemi's Tooth #2, Rick Moranis, Wounded Man, German Security, Winston Churchill, British Air Force Leader

Photos 

Quotes 

• Brian Griffin : Mort? Hello? Mort?

  Stewie Griffin : Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing in my room? Don't touch my stuff with your dirty walking on the street paws!

  Brian Griffin : I'm looking for Mort. He came up here an hour ago and never came back down.

  Stewie Griffin : Uh-oh.

  Brian Griffin : What?

  Stewie Griffin : My time machine's been activated.

  Brian Griffin : Time machine? I didn't know you had a time machine.

  Stewie Griffin : Yeah, I built it after I got bored with that European See 'n Say.

  [cut to Stewie with a See 'n Say; he pulls the cord] 

  European See 'n Say : The pig goes "WANK!"

  [Stewie pulls the cord again] 

  European See 'n Say : The cow goes "SHAZOO!"

  Stewie Griffin : It most certainly does not!

  [pulls the cord again] 

  European See 'n Say : The rooster goes "GICKORY GEE!"

  Stewie Griffin : Where? Where does the rooster say that?

  [pulls the cord again] 

  European See 'n Say : The monkey goes "MACAQUE!"

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, no, no, no! It does not!

  [pulls the cord again] 

  European See 'n Say : The elephant goes "THWOMP!"

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, yeah, kinda.

• RAF Commander : Men, as officers of the Royal Air Force, you're the very best in the world. However, this mission to Germany will not be an easy one. Four and a half of every five of you will not return. Half of Jenson there can tell you it gets pretty sticky.

  Jenson : But I never lost me good spirits, I haven't.

  RAF Commander : So let's get up there, be safe, and get back to the big, fat pigs of wives we have waiting at home.

  Stewie Griffin : Pardon me, Sir. I'd like to join.

  RAF Commander : What are your qualifications?

  Stewie Griffin : I have a British accent, I'm possibly homosexual, I never brush my teeth, and my wife is ghastly!

  RAF Commander : Bombs away!

• Stewie Griffin : OK, if everything worked properly this should be the exact time and place that Mort was sent to. Now we just got to find out where we are.

  Brian Griffin : Or WHEN we are.

  Stewie Griffin : Ah that's such a douche time traveler thing to say.

  [a Cow says SHAZOOM] 

  Stewie Griffin : . Okay we are somewhere in Europe.

• Stewie Griffin : But where do we find uranium in WWII Europe?

  Brian Griffin : There's only one place, at the top secret atomic research facility... in Berlin.

  Stewie Griffin : Wait a minute, Germany's building Weapons of Mass Destruction? Well, why doesn't America go in there and kick their asses?

  Brian Griffin : I don't know

  [slowly turns toward the camera] 

  Brian Griffin : maybe because they don't have any oil?

  Stewie Griffin : Oooooohhhh...

  [he applauds] 

  Stewie Griffin : oh clap clap clap clap clap!

• Stewie Griffin : Remember Brian, don't touch anything when we are in the past. Even stepping on a mosquito could create a chain reaction that drastically alters the present.

  Brian Griffin : Really?

  Stewie Griffin : Nah you can do whatever you want.

• Brian Griffin : [Brian, Stewie and Mort are stuck in Warsaw Poland during the invasion]  Stewie, the return pad isn't working!

  Stewie Griffin : Yeah and you know what's not gonna fix it, your shouting.

  Mort Goldman : Oh God. Should we ask somebody for help?

  Stewie Griffin : Yeah right. How many Polacks does it take to fix a time machine? Let's find out.

• Brian Griffin : [Brian goes looking for Mort Goldman]  Mort? Hello?

  Stewie Griffin : Hey hey hey hey! What are you doing in my room? Don't touch my stuff with your dirty, walking-on-the-street paws!

• Peter Griffin : [watching the Oscars]  Man, look at that Steve Buscemi. Every one of his teeth is in business for itself.

  Scarlett Johansson : You know, Steve, the art director's job is never an easy one.

  Steve Buscemi : [with exaggeratedly large teeth]  That's right, Scarlett. But this year...

  [one of his teeth pops out and starts to leave] 

  Steve Buscemi's Tooth #1 : Hey, where are you going?

  Steve Buscemi's Tooth #2 : I'm going to the Elton John party.

  Steve Buscemi's Tooth #1 : What the hell? I told you we were staying for the Governor's Ball.

  Steve Buscemi's Tooth #2 : And I told you, Tim, we would see how the evening plays out.

• Mort Goldman : Peter, may I use your restroom? I took a laxative and a stool hardener.

  [groaning and holding his stomach] 

  Mort Goldman : A-And they're fighting it out in there.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, it's upstairs, Mort.

  Mort Goldman : [running upstairs]  Oh, boy... I hope there's a scale in there. I'd like to have a "before" and "after" on this one.

  [finding the door locked, he knocks] 

  Meg Griffin : I'll be out in a minute.

  Mort Goldman : I really need to go.

  Glenn Quagmire : [opening the shower curtain, holding a camcorder]  She said she'll be out in a minute!

• Brian Griffin : Stewie, do you think Mort could have accidentally stumbled into the time machine?

  Stewie Griffin : It's possible. Let's ask Rick Moranis and the back-up singers from Little Shop of Horrors!

  Crystal, Chiffon, Ronette : Da-Doo!

  Rick Moranis : I SAW A RED-HEADED GUY COME UP HERE ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

  Crystal, Chiffon, Ronette : MORT THE JEW!

  Rick Moranis : HE SEEMED TO BE IN A RUSH, AND HAD A PAINED LOOK ON HIS FACE

  Male Chorus : HAD TO POO!

  Rick Moranis : AND HE STEPPED INTO THAT BOX THERE, AND SUDDENLY, THERE WAS A BIG FLASH OF LIGHT

  Crystal, Chiffon, Ronette : THAT'S! WHEN! HE! WENT! BACK! IN! TIME!