- John Economos: Oh, my God. Could you at least take your helmet off? You're going to get dressing all over it.
- Christopher Smith: Dressing's easier to get off this helmet then human lip. That's a fucking fact.
- John Economos: Well, she's entitled to her opinion.
- Leota Adebayo: Thank you.
- John Economos: Her stupid fucking opinion.
- Christopher Smith: I'm into old-fashioned stuff, too. Hummel figurines, capital punishment, Garbage Pail Kids, and stuff.
- Leota Adebayo: Although I do appreciate the confidence with which you said something so wrong.
- Christopher Smith: Oh, that's my thing. That, and having a big dick.
- Leota Adebayo: Yep. Information I had no need for.
- Christopher Smith: No, I'm serious. It's too big, actually. Causes people pain.
- Leota Adebayo: Okay.
- Christopher Smith: Kids in junior high, they called me "Chimp-Arm."
- Leota Adebayo: Good night, sweet-cheeks.
- Christopher Smith: "Sweet-cheeks."
- [explained earlier that Sweet-cheeks refers to buttocks, that Chris didn't know then]
- Christopher Smith: Can I ask you something, Doc?
- Dr. Alandy: Sure.
- Christopher Smith: Can you maybe up the contrast on the X-ray a little more to show the definition in my muscles? This makes me look like one of those guys who works out only thinking about bulk. I put a lot of time into my small muscle groups, and according to this, it was just... wasted effort.
- Dr. Alandy: It's not for your Tinder profile, Chris.
- Jamil: Oh, Peacemaker!
- Christopher Smith: Yes!
- Jamil: You only kill minorities, man!
- Christopher Smith: I killed a fair amount of white people too!
- Jamil: The ratio is suspect, is all I have to say!
- Christopher Smith: If somebody's committing a crime...
- Jamil: Yes?
- Christopher Smith: am I supposed to control what their ethnicity is?
- Jamil: No. But you need to watch white people as closely as you watch people of color, so you see more of them committing crimes!
- Christopher Smith: Fine. That's... That's a good point. I will trust white people less in the future, and kill a higher percentage of them. Are you satisfied?
- Jamil: Yes. Thank you.
- Leota Adebayo: Does this look like James Bond to you? Man, I wanted champagne in the bathtub, and some Octopussies and shit.
- Keeya Adebayo: Okay, girl, you better not be getting any Octopussies while we're up here. What is an Octopussy anyway?
- Leota Adebayo: Uh, that's who Maud Adams played in the movie.
- Keeya Adebayo: Okay, so she had eight pussies?
- Leota Adebayo: As far as I know, she only had one pussy. That's just her name.
- Keeya Adebayo: Okay.
- Agent Emilia Harcourt: Look, I have no interest in you other than your ability to fight for us. Just because you're handsome doesn't mean you're not a piece-of-shit murderer.
- Christopher Smith: You think I'm handsome?
- Agent Emilia Harcourt: Oh, my God, please fuck off.
- Christopher Smith: Okay, look, I-- I've been in prison the last four years, okay? I haven't been with anyone-- I-- I haven't been with any woman in a long time. I'm not asking for emotional connection here. I'm just asking for fun. Genital-to-genital contact, no touching above here. No. Fuck it, it's gotta be here. I gotta touch your boobs. Sorry. Just trying to, I don't know, relieve some of the stress that's been building up over the years. I mean...
- Christopher Smith: Waller said do whatever I had to do to make sure those Project Starfish files didn't get out. I made the only choice I could.
- Agent Emilia Harcourt: Funny, for you, how often the only choice and killing people coincides.
- John Economos: Oh, sweet, we have a piano. That's useful for black ops. This is the worst HQ of all time.
- Jamil: Why do you think I'm mopping floors, bro? I went to MIT. I don't like the responsibility.
- Christopher Smith: You went to MIT?
- Jamil: Oh, yeah.
- Christopher Smith: [what] the fuck are you doing here?
- Jamil: That's my fucking point, man! Why aren't you listening to me?
- Jamil: There's no superhero called Peacemaker.
- Christopher Smith: Dude, I'm fuckin' famous.
- Jamil: Not that famous. Aquaman, he's famous.
- Christopher Smith: Fuck Aquaman!
- Jamil: No, man, don't say that. Why say that?
- Christopher Smith: He bangs chicks? Good for him. He fucks dudes? Got no problem with that. He starts fuckin' fish? That's taking it a step too far.
- Jamil: Aquaman fucks fish?
- Christopher Smith: Yeah.
- Jamil: I don't believe it.
- Christopher Smith: A guy on Twitter works for the aquarium, said for 50 bucks, he brings him in the back so he can have his way with a sturgeon
- [fish]
- Christopher Smith: .
- Jamil: I refuse to believe that.
- Christopher Smith: And I refuse to believe that @PepetheFrog89 is lying to me for no reason.
- Leota Adebayo: ...If we have a kid, I'd like to name her Octopussy... . And if it's a boy, Sharknado.
- Keeya Adebayo: Oh, okay. Well, I hope then that it's a boy, because, um, I don't think my parents would be too happy with a granddaughter named Octopussy.
- Vigilante: Dude, uh, I realize in that last message, uh, I called you P and me V, as if you were a penis and I was a vagina. Uh, that, like, definitely was... It was not my intention...
- John Economos: Eagly is your pet eagle?
- Christopher Smith: Yeah.
- Agent Emilia Harcourt: Is your dog named Doggy?
- John Economos: Do you have a daughter named Daughtery?
- Christopher Smith: [Calling the Waitress] Hey, sweet-cheeks!
- Leota Adebayo: Sweet cheeks? Seriously, dude?
- Christopher Smith: She had cherubic cheeks. It's a compliment.
- Christopher Smith: Sweet cheeks is your butt.
- Christopher Smith: No, it's not.
- Leota Adebayo: It is. It's like calling somebody, I don't know, sugar tits.
- Christopher Smith: That's totally inappropriate. Her tits are way too big to be sugar tits. Sugar tits are, like, smaller, perkier tits. Like...
- [to Agent Amelia Harcourt]
- Christopher Smith: yours. Uh, technically, I think you may have sugar tits, too... but somehow that also feels inappropriate.