- Steve: Wait a second, that's it! I can sign up for the footballs team! Dad loves sports! I bet he'd love to watch me play!
- Roger Smith: Steve, look at those kids. They're athletes. When was the last time you ran anywhere? I mean with your own legs, not by pressing 'X'?
- Stan Smith: Look at this! We're having a father/son moment.
- Steve: [punches Stan in the groin] Quit ruining it!
- Roger Smith: Maybe you should just give up on your dad. Face it he's a douche, and I would know. I used to run Human Resources for Summer's Eve.
- Roger Smith: [Seeing Stan hanging by the neck in his office] Stan, are your trying to kill yourself, or thrill yourself?