Arthur (I) (2011)
Helen Mirren: Hobson
Photos
Quotes
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Hobson : My name is Lillian and I am an alcoholic. I'm rich, I'm fabulously rich. I'm also generous and kind-hearted. My father died when I was young and my mother was absent most of the time. Is this an excuse for making a mockery of my life? Oh, it all looks very wild from the outside. I once went to bed with three European princesses at the same time, but: A. I can't remember anything about it, and B: apparently I vomited over two of them before losing control of my bladder on the third. Oh, yes, all such fun... until the fog parts and suddenly there's a hole so big that all the vintage champagne and all the Batmobiles on the world can't fill it. Then I'm all alone on my magnetic bed, wondering what venereal disease I've just caught.
Arthur : Always the quiet ones.
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Hobson : [Holding up Tiffany's bra] I wouldn't recommend letting him get used to your breasts, dear, he's got an addictive personality. He was at mine 'till he was six.
Arthur : Hobson!
Hobson : I had to dab tabasco on the nipples to see him off...
Arthur : That lady has never once breastfed me.
Hobson : ...despite his best efforts.
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Hobson : [putting on a pair of boxing mitts] Arthur, after you're married, you're going to have to stop this obsession with random women.
Arthur : She is not a random woman, she understands me. She laughs at my jokes. She's like you, but with a more appropriate potential for sex.
Arthur : [Hobson punches him in the nose, he then falls to the floor] Ow! That really hurt. Evander, you assured me I was indestructible.
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Hobson : Evander, if he's not out of this ring in one minute I'll bite your other ear off.
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Arthur : [at a public auction, in deep voice] Thirty thousand dollars, please.
Auctioneer : Thirty thousand.
Arthur : [in normal voice] Thirty-five thousand.
Arthur : [alternating voices] How dare you! It's a challenge you want, is it?
Arthur : [normal voice] Yeah, I want a challenge, plus I bid first.
Arthur : [deep voice] That is irrelevant! The highest number has supremacy!
Arthur : [normal voice] You've clearly never been to an auction. That's tit-for-tat. That's exactly how the situation in the Middle East began.
Arthur : [deep voice] You leave me no choice. One hundred thousand dollars and one penny because you, sir, are a vile spendthrift!
Hobson : Well, that's the first sensible thing you've said all day.
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Arthur : Naomi Quinn, I'd like to see you again.
Naomi Quinn : I... don't date boys who have nannies.
Hobson : Very wise choice. You're not the first woman who walks the streets for a living that he's taken a liking to.
Naomi Quinn : Is she always with you? Okay. 917-176-2030.
Arthur : Did you remember that?
Hobson : No.
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Arthur : [while boxing with Evander Holyfield] What I like about her, Naomi, is she's got a very unique way of seeing the world.
Hobson : So do flies. This is a repeat of when you were certain you needed a pet giraffe to be happy. Well, you were bored after a week.
Arthur : Because he ate his monocle! The brute had no regard for fashion, Evander.
Hobson : No, because you were from two different worlds, the same as this girl.
Arthur : Listen, could you just let me focus on my jab and refresh me, please?
Arthur : [gets sprayed with a canteen of vodka] Aah! That's vodka in there!
Hobson : Refreshed?
Arthur : [wiping his face] No, but I think some of it probably went in my bloodstream so it's not all bad news.
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Hobson : [notices Naomi in a polka-dot dress] Um, did you kill Minnie Mouse or did she surrender her dress willingly?
Naomi Quinn : If it makes you feel better, she didn't suffer.
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Naomi Quinn : So, Hobson, are there any men in your life?
Hobson : Are you attempting to make small talk with me?
Naomi Quinn : I am attempting it. Is it working?
Hobson : No, not really.
Naomi Quinn : Darn it.
Hobson : Any man I've ever met pales in comparison to the dazzling floor show that is Arthur's company.
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Arthur : When I was little you used to say:
[mimics Hobson]
Arthur : "Arthur, you can do anything under the sun."
Hobson : I never spoke like that.
Arthur : It was a bit like that.
Hobson : That was before you paid Elton John $2 million to sing over the PA in a grocery store.
Arthur : Yeah, well, it was Easter.
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Naomi Quinn : [inside Arthur's home theater] Oh, I love Looney Tunes! Are these always playing?
Hobson : No, it, uh, alternates between this and historical documentaries.
Naomi Quinn : Really?
Hobson : No, just this.
Naomi Quinn : Okay, I just have to get the perfect place. Yes.
Hobson : Your friend will be with you shortly.
Naomi Quinn : Thank you. Oh, wait, don't you wanna stay? This is a really good one. Pepé tries to kiss Penelope Pussycat, but then he falls off the boat.
Hobson : You forgot to say "spoiler alert."
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Hobson : One apocalyptic hangover, no job. Congratulations, Arthur.
Arthur : Listen to this: "Aquarium needs help cleaning tanks. Swim with the fishes". That is a Mob threat. None of these jobs make any sense at all. "Systems integration professional." Would anyone do it as an amateur? Would *anyone* approach systems integration as a hobby for fun on a Saturday afternoon instead of flying a kite? Who is integrating systems for their own amusement? Hobson, I think in order to do this... I may have to be a little more sober.
