Pdoug Nadeau: Newman - Grocery

Quotes 

• Newman : Hey Madore, got a mission for ya.

  Madore : I don't do that type of work anymore.

  Newman : One last job, for old time's sake. We need you to bring this broom and dustbin to the produce back room.

  [Wheels out a dry erase board and flips it around, revealing a huge detailed schematic of the store] 

  Newman : This should be all hush-hush because you know how territorial they get about us stealing their stuff. I'd recommend using the secret entrance through the back hallways, but that's blocked by the latest watermelon shipment. We'll need you to insert in the open, possibly in their view. Once you deliver the package, we'll need you to exfiltrate as quickly as possible. We don't want you to get caught up in old rivalries and have a goddamn world war on our hands.

  Madore : You want me to go into produce territory, without backup?

  Newman : I'm sorry Madore. But this is the situation. We need the best we've got, and that's you.

  Madore : [Clenching a cigar in his teeth]  I'm gettin' too old for this shit.

• Bob : Well it's either that or we talk about all the weapons we'd use in the zombie apocalypse.

  Timmy : Ooh, chainsaw in one hand, shotgun in the other.

  Jenkins : Oh God, not again!

  Newman : Like Beowulf, bare hands!

  Pat : [Calmly over the chaotic shouting]  You guys are not thinking realistically. You need a semi-automatic rifle, and a bludgeoning tool.

  Jenkins : God, not again.

  Timmy : Chainsaw. Shotgun.

  Madore : Chainsaws don't work.

  Timmy : Shotgun. Chainsaw.

  Madore : [Angrily shouts]  Chainsaws don't work!

  [Turns to Newman] 

  Madore : You stop it!

  Pat : My preference? Crowbar.

• Newman : [showing off electric razor]  Sixteen blades. My jugular just spurts blood with happiness.

• Jenkins : Then we do this.

  Newman : Indeed, sir. A last charge of Matt Jenkins and his immortals.

  Pat : [lights cigarette]  I'm getting too old for this shit.